I had spent most of this week feeling sorry for myself,tired,grumpy,off color and miserable all great traits to have for the people around you.Unsure they were as to smile and talk or just make a fleeting comment on the way to the safety of the outside world[ie being anywhere away from me].Having spent all day yesterday at the hospital in oncology and radiotherapy started to break that self pity,but it wasnt until last night when I dropped in to see my eldest daughter at work on the way home that I truly looked at myself and felt grateful for my life and ashamed at my self pity.A young 16 year old boy works in the shop with my daughter and he asked how I was I told him I was a bit fed up and showed him my my little bottle friend and my picc line site as he was interested to know how it looked and worked,after much scrutiny and some face pulling he looked at me and said that he hadnt seen it that way because his little brother was to young to have any intraveneous lines or ports left on the outside.Bang it hit me I then recalled his brother has been fighting this insidious disease for a long while and that he was due to go into hospital and hopefully have all his internal lines and treatment paraphenalia taken out as they are pretty sure his cancer is cured.The young man then quite inadvertently started to tell me that his little brother only got sad or upset if he couldnt play fight or wrestle and was quite put out when his last birthday party was cancelled because he was to sick,but the pirate costume is hanging up for his party this year.He is only going to be 3 years old and that ability to wear that pirate costume to his party this year means the world to him.I then realised that maybe I dont need to sweat the small stuff and be so self pitying maybe I should just focus on" my pirate costume"
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