I had spent most of this week feeling sorry for myself,tired,grumpy,off color and miserable all great traits to have for the people around you.Unsure they were as to smile and talk or just make a fleeting comment on the way to the safety of the outside world[ie being anywhere away from me].Having spent all day yesterday at the hospital in oncology and radiotherapy started to break that self pity,but it wasnt until last night when I dropped in to see my eldest daughter at work on the way home that I truly looked at myself and felt grateful for my life and ashamed at my self pity.A young 16 year old boy works in the shop with my daughter and he asked how I was I told him I was a bit fed up and showed him my my little bottle friend and my picc line site as he was interested to know how it looked and worked,after much scrutiny and some face pulling he looked at me and said that he hadnt seen it that way because his little brother was to young to have any intraveneous lines or ports left on the outside.Bang it hit me I then recalled his brother has been fighting this insidious disease for a long while and that he was due to go into hospital and hopefully have all his internal lines and treatment paraphenalia taken out as they are pretty sure his cancer is cured.The young man then quite inadvertently started to tell me that his little brother only got sad or upset if he couldnt play fight or wrestle and was quite put out when his last birthday party was cancelled because he was to sick,but the pirate costume is hanging up for his party this year.He is only going to be 3 years old and that ability to wear that pirate costume to his party this year means the world to him.I then realised that maybe I dont need to sweat the small stuff and be so self pitying maybe I should just focus on" my pirate costume"
4 Comments
Super Contributor
It's ok to feel sorry for yourself at times,I think. Nobody knows for sure what you are going through and nobody can feel it, but you. Then one needs to get on with whatever is needed to be done. It does put things into perspective when we see others experiencing what seems worse or as you found innocent little children going through it too. Wishing you well.
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Contributor
You have every right to feel sorry for yourself Tina, and grumpy as well. Cancer was never on anybodies life plan The little boy like you, is doing his best to get well, and wear his pirates costume For him he probably thinks he is undergoing what is a " normal " life because he cannot remember life any different at his young age. When we or a loved one contracts the disease later in life we can remember a different life and we long for it to come back. Its difficult not to sweat the small stuff, there is no small stuff in this battle. The disease, oncologists, the chemo, pumps, scans, no small stuff in there. You are doing well, be strong and positive but allow yourself to show it as you feel. Its not an easy journey, but you will get to wear your pirates uniform one day. wombat4
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New Contributor
Hi Wombat,Thanks once again you always seem to know the right thing to say at the right time.It is true that there is no small stuff in the world of cancer and it can be very daunting and frightening.It is nice to hear someone tell you that its okay to show it as you feel and that doesnt mean that your not strong or positive.I will hold on to the thought of getting to that pirates uniform and I am humbled that you through your own pain and loss can take the time to offer both sound and kind advice.Take care stay as you are the world needs more people like you.Huge hugs and wishes Tina X
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New Contributor
Hi Silly thanks for your kind words and your understanding,it does help when people like yourself say that it is okay to feel sorry for yourself at times.I feel that people like yourself help others with their advice and kindness and it makes it easier to do what needs to be done.Thanks again hope you are doing okay Huge hugs and wishes Tina X
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