I just came home from a service at a church I've been going to for 17 years, and felt completely disconnected. The minister asked people to think of the last traumatic thing that had happened to them (for a sermon illustration), then drew a lesson from it- the assumption seemed to be it was something like job insecurity or relationship problems. The really frustrating thing was the minister has known me and my husband for about 15 years (he did the sermon at our wedding, even), and should have been aware of the issues we were facing (he is not the minister for our congregation, though, so he may have forgotten). Surrounded by people I'd known for years, I felt like I didn't belong-it seemed that their problems were no worse than work stress, or a crisis of faith. My 'new normal' is not something they could understand, or relate to.(I guess I should be glad that my friends have not had a first hand experience of cancer.....!) Even though my husband is now in remission, I'm different, the 'landscape' of my life is different, and other people need to accept that, because I can't change it. It's so nice to come here and share with people who do understand, and can relate. I hope everyone has a few beautiful suprises this week. xx
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Occasional Contributor
I am sorry you experienced this feeling of disconnection at your Church. I can empathise with this feeling. It almost seems that once Cancer has touched our lives we are never the same again, although to some people all appears well. Generally people Christian or not, assume that once someone is in remission that's the end of all worry, whereas in actual fact there is new sort of anxiety which continues even though we try to push them aside and concentrate on the "now ". I imagine your minister had to generalise rather than be too specific. I also wonder, if he actually did remember your circumstance he might not have felt comfortable in bringing the subject into his sermon for fear of upsetting you or someone else undergoing similar events. I also think many people are not comfortable talking about Cancer, even though they care about you personally. Which is a great shame as this is the one thing we need to share from time to time - hence this website. I am fortunate in having a good (Church) friend who lost her husband to cancer, so I know that when she asks me or my husband how things are going she really does understand, and acknowledges the different feelings we experience. I do hope you are able to "reconnect" I am more than happy to continue 'talking'with you, and in return would appreciate this contact. xx
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Thanks Rosie. I guess I have to remember that while I've changed, my church has not; and even the pastoral care staff do not truly understand what my husband and I have been through. I'd love to hear about your church, too. love Emily
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Thanks Rosie. I guess I have to remember that while I've changed, my church has not; and even the pastoral care staff do not truly understand what my husband and I have been through. I'd love to hear about your church, too. love Emily
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Occasional Contributor
Hi little stitcher, I know exactly how you feel as I am feeling the same way. I look at life through different eyes and feel somewhat lost as everything is different now. I feel distant from my friends, through no fault of their own as how could someone possibly understand cancer if they have not experienced it. I know i had no idea. I feel like life has changed and my concerns are now so much different. A month a week or even a day is so valuable when watching someone you love being destroyed by this horrid disease. How do you explain the roller coaster of emotions that you feel.... I am so grateful for this site as it has helped me through some bad days. I don't know how you get back to simple everyday things when you experience so much ....
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