I'm planning to use this as my little diary and will endeavour to be as routine as I can when adding entries.
Let's start with yesterday, good a place as any. Live in the now I always say.. And it was a big day. Wish it was May, then I could rhyme my way, hey :)
My older sister got married yesterday. To a very nice fella. I was a bridesmaid and looked totally fabulous. She was beautiful and wore a pretty blond wig as she shaved her head because she started chemo 4 weeks ago for breast cancer. What are the odds of two sisters getting 2 different types of cancer with seemingly no genetic red flags??
Anyway, it was a beautiful wedding. Today I crashed big time emotionally however, having worked really hard at work and also with the preparations for the big day for the last few weeks, as well as helping her through her first treatment cycle.
Hmm, crashed big time. As in pulling over and crying in the car on the way home, eating a whole packet of maltesers and seriously sizing up the liquor cabinet. (ended up selecting a cup of tea instead!)
Spending time with relatives is what tipped me over the edge I think. I'm usually quite composed despite the dark cancer cloud always following me around. It's those pitying, inquisitive looks. The talk of marriage, children, future, floating past my painted on smile all night. As well as the subtle tone of surprise when they say "you're looking so well!" On a big night like that, what do they expect? That I won't hide the dark eyes and pale skin, that I'll pop pills every half hr to keep myself pain free??
No, on a special occasion I'll ensure that I'm a normal, cancer-free member of society thanks. Just for one night at least I can try and forget what I'm living with.
It was nice to see everyone anyhow. They're a great bunch my family. Lots of laughter all round. It felt good. I am glad I have a long time to go so I can catch up with them more. I feel they think I'm pretty special. That feels good too.
Changing the topic, I've been wondering lately if there is anyone else out there in the same boat as me? I have had ovarian cancer for five and a half years now. I was diagnosed when I was 23 with stage III. I've had a full hysterectomy and a bowel resection. My cancer is slow growing and I am still pretty healthy all told. I'm very lucky it seems as the more people I talk to the more I hear that women don't live with ovarian cancer very long, they're either cured or they die within five years. If you read this and can tell me any different, I'd love to hear from you.
Well good night. I'll write again soon.Good things mostly I hope. xoxo
