Time is all we have. I live in a hospice bubble. If my husband smiles its like a major event. If he eats half his meal I'm happy. It's amazing how the little things become moments of joy when joy is so far from our every day lives. I'm learning new parts of me that I never thought existed. My ability to cope with every change although this requires adjustment which usually involves lots of tears and sleepless nights. At the moment I wake ul at around 2am every morning with a panic attack. The anxiety is palpable. But, I find my strength again and I get on with the day at the hospice, feeding, changing him, bathing him, holding his hand and talking with him, about nothing. He will be gone soon and all this will seem like a nightmare. But, I will be ok, eventually.........
10 Comments
Contributor
I'm thinking of you both jobeth.
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Super Contributor
Sending you hugs. Emily
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Contributor
Hello Jobeth Love and hugs to you. This is the toughest part of the journey I thought. The mixed feelings of wanting it to end versus you can't bear for it to really come to an end is intolerable but it just has to be lived through. xox Terese.
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Contributor
Xo You have much strength, just a phone call/text away if you need anything. Min
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Occasional Contributor
Thank you.... Last night I smuggled two pizzas and a bottle of red in. We had a lovely time. He didn't speak but he ate pizza and drank his wine through a straw. Today, I found a spa in the hospital, I had it cleaned up and I gave my husband an hour long spa bath, he loved it. And, I enjoyed bathing him in the lamp lit room. Afterwards, we had a becks beer and he drifted off to sleep. Not all moments are shit,. Jo
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Super Contributor
Hey Jo, what a gorgeous thing to do!
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Contributor
Sending (((hugs))) of comfort and prayers of strength and heart-peace to you, Jobeth. And may you have more sweet, loving moments together.
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Contributor
You are in my thoughts Jobeth, your an amazingly strong woman.
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Not applicable
You are amazing thank you for sharing
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Contributor
....so beautiful and touching your kindness, your appreciation on the moments you have...inspiring... so so very sad that they will becoming fewer... xx take care
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