Today I realised that life is too short. All the things I took for granted. The time I had and not taking the chance to get to know you. To have those funny moments that I can remember you by when you're gone. Twenty three years were the time I was given to get to know you. I took it for granted, for that I'm sorry. Deep inside, I hope you know I love you. I feel like I have forgotten how you used to look before you got sick. I'm terrified at that thought because I don't want to remember how you look now. I want to remember you, the real you. when you were healthy. Every time I look at you now, I search for your old self in your eyes. Because I feel like I'm losing a part of you each day... You are not your old self anymore. And I'm sorry for being so selfish. It hurts to see you suffering so much. I'm so sorry that you have to suffer. Life is just so unfair. Life is just about timing isn't it? We are all sentenced for a time in this world. Whatever comes must go. I accept that, but why? why the suffering?
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Contributor
It is not selfish to want your mum back the way she was, I am sure she knows you love her, and regrets will not help. We are only human and it takes a lifetime to know someone as much as we can know them. You were only given 23 years and that is not long enough to develope the friendship that can exist between a mum and a daughter. I took much longer with my mum, and our understanding of each other grew much quicker when she got sick and I took care of her. Just keep loving her and tell her, because deep down she is still the person you love. If she is in a lot of pain, maybe you need to talk to the doctors and see what they can do. My thoughts are with you. S
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Super Contributor
Hey i_t Mum's understand about son's because they just do ... so don't worry too much about that! Julie 🙂
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Hey i_t, Please don't think for one minute you're being selfish, because you're not. It is perfectly normal for you to want more time & to have your mum back the way she was & 23yrs is a short space of time. Being a mum myself i have no doubt whatsoever that your mum knows how much you love her & having you their close beside her now would mean just so much to her. Please remember i_t she may not be able to respond to you now the way she used to but she knows you are there & how much you love her. Be kind to yourself Hugs Mez 😉
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thanks for the reply guys... I'm feeling very overwhelmed lately. As her condition worsen, I'm finding it harder to keep my emotions inside. We are trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible and managing her pain. I knew this day would come... but I wasn't prepared on how horrible cancer could impact and change a person - physically and mentally. And how FAST it takes our love ones away. My aunt died from breast cancer few years ago, but I was still so young, I was shielded from the reality. But now, each day is a struggle for me and her. I'm tired emotionally and physically. I want to keep her forever with me but I also want to end her suffering because I can't stand watching her condition now.
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Super Contributor
Hey i_t Sending you hugsss ... it is tough to watch loved ones suffer. That was my one comfort when i lost my father. I would never wish him back the way he was. Do you know about the cancer council helpline? You can call them if things get too much and you feel like talking to someone. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone that isnt close to us. 13 11 20 is the number, not sure what time they close the helpline ... over here its 8pm i think. Do you have any help in caring for your mum? hugss Julie
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