A rant from a weary mum
I write this, tears streaming down my face as I try to get my seven year old to succumb to sleep.....it has been 10 o'clock every night this week....I'm tired and tonight I snapped and yelled and slammed doors. My husband has been pretty much comatose for weeks..... Only gets up to heat up his heat bag or have a cigarette- yes you heard me.....he has cancer and he's still smoking....he's dying and he's still smoking....does my head in!!!
Anyway, I sent our four year old off to grandmas as I needed a break from visits from him during the night.......both my children have a habit of nocturnal visits, and now the other one won't go to sleep....... Just go to sleep.....
If they don't wake me during the night - which is rare- it is my husband waking me by having a shower at 2 am to relieve pain, using all the hot water so when I have a shower before I go to work, the water is cold.....or he wakes me by falling off the toilet......hitting the tiles......
Cancer sucks!!!! I don't know how much longer I can do this........
I try so hard to be positive but I just want to go to sleep..........
I try so hard to not lose it in front of my children.....failed miserably tonight.........
I try so hard to not be angry at my husband.......failed at that too tonight..... The last thing he needs is me yelling at him..... But who else do I yell at???
Just go to sleep please........
I used to love night time, coming home from work, putting my jarmies on.......now I just dread it and it is the worst chore of my entire day.....and it's a chore.
Told you it was a rant.
Struggling today!!!
PA
