its been eight weeks now and i miss him more than ever... its different now. Instead of waking up daily crying and not being able to do basic things, i get up, feed myself do what i do for the day (not back at work yet) and get on with it... the only thing is i find myself having these flashbacks of stuff... his death, his sickness.. the happier memories. I'l just stare in to space and think of him. I miss him so much.. his smell, the way he'd play with my hair until id fall asleep, the way he'd hug me and id feel as if all my problems have been taken away.... now i go to bed alone, i sit at a table of couples alone... i dont miss his cancer, i dont miss his pain.. but oh my god how i miss my husband. My beautiful, sexy husband! He was my whole world... we were a team. I promised him we'd always be a team. There's no I in team and thats what i am now. I. Im missing my other half like a part of my body is missing. Its there... im living with it. Thats it now... living with it. Not happy. Not moving on. Just living with it...
4 Comments
Super Contributor
Maddie unfortunately, you are going through what a lot of cancer survivors go through and that is being forced to make life changes that we don't necessarily want to do and then having to come to terms with it. Just give yourself some time, it is such early days for you and I hope you have some chuckles to yourself as you remember the good times along with the bad ones. hugss Julie
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Contributor
thank you julie... xo
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Super Contributor
It's still so recent . It will take a long time to adjust to life without your husband . I can't really imagine how it must feel but imagine that it must seem unreal at times and yet so real at other times . It's good that you can talk here whenever you need and others here have been through the loss of a spouse so they will understand .
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Not applicable
Wish I could say something to take away all your pain, but know that all of us are thinking of you. Just take care of YOU. Linda
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