Missing my wonderful husband!

[tree1]

My husband of 31 years my best friend and soulmate passed away with pancreatic cancer in June of 2020.  A healthy strong man never being sick or ever had to go to the doctor and was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and what a blow and shock it was for him and for his whole family.  I know I'm not the only one with grief but needed to look for others going through this same feeling of loss and heartbreak and daily tears.  I know he would want us all to carry on but the missing is the worse to handle. He made our family complete and brought joy to everyone that knew him. I pray all through the day and believe God has a plan for us all, its just the missing is so hard.  I stay busy but the depression of him not in our life is hard to even face each day but I do and I make it through and I cry.  All the family and friends seem to be distancing now avoiding much conversation maybe thinking I should be getting over it I don't know, that's why I'm here to chat to know I'm not alone in this road of loss and sadness.

[OzStu]

It must be wonderful to have someone love you so much and stick by you through thick and thin.   I've had a few wives.  Can't say I've ever had anyone like that.   One son to first marriage.  I raised him.  Always thought of him as the most important person in the world to me.  Few years ago, he started suffering from what I believe is a mental illness and distancing from everybody.  It became harder and harder to stay in contact and have his company.  All the effort was on my side.  After I got cancer,  he felt guilty I think and made an effort for a while, but then dropped off and went silent and stopped answering my txts and phone calls.   I ended up having an argument with him about how he was ignoring me, right in the middle of my battle with cancer, and also how he was ignoring everybody else in family.  He blew up and told me to piss off and he wanted nothing else to do with me.   He didn't speak to me for months, and I had given up trying to contact him.  The rest of the family were pestering me to go see him.   They said just roll up at his door.  I had recovered from my treatment a fair bit by then.  So about a week before xmas I went to his house with a xmas present.  I didn't even get to the front door and I heard him yell out "piss off or I will call the police"   I stood there shocked for a min, then turned around and left.    On the way home, I got a call from the police.  They said that he doesn't want any contact with me, and that he can go to the magistrates court and put a restraining order on me if I try to contact him again.   So I have lost my son, for no reason I can think of.    There have been many times in my life when I have been abandoned,  and turned against by someone I love, and have thought they loved me.   But this has been the worst.   Not one day, not one hour goes by when i don't think about it.  It's given me more pain then my cancer and my treatment.   I understand how you feel.  But at least you have the knowledge that your husband did not leave you intentionally.  He was taken, against his will.  You have memories of a loving husband....and they are real.   My memories are, or at least how I feel now about it,  are of people who I thought loved me, but did not.   I feel I have never had what your husband had.  Someone who really loved me, and valued me.   In that light, your husband was very lucky.   I hope you find peace and happiness again.  xo