I feel a bit self-indulgent when I talk about my grief. Three friends I had in London died from Leukaemia related diseases and while I miss them dearly, that is not the only thing I mourn. I mourn the old me. The happy, confident, independant me. I miss the person who climbed the Eiffel Tower even though she was scared of heights. I miss the one who walked hand-in-hand with a man who loved her to a London bakery for hot croissants one snowy morning. I mourn the loss of my character, my laugh, my sense of humour - practically I miss my ability to walk without a stick, to run and jump into a pool. I miss my life plan and I mourn for all the things I thought I wanted and now, will never have. I know it seems a bit shallow of me, when so many people have lost so much more and while I do realise that my situation could be so much worse, I mourn the loss of a happier me and worry-free days.
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Contributor
Artist_in_recovery Thanks a lot for sharing such profound thoughts. I send you all my best wishes in your continuous recovery.
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HI my sweet girl..yes you mourn the old you..i understand that grief is grief..i mourn for the life i had the dream home.. the husband that died..all gone but out of the ashes grows a flower..its not shallow you have a right to grieve..i send you my love and my prayers. FROM LIVEY WITH LOVE.
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Deceased
Hi Artist-in-recovery You are not being self indulgent in any way. Those are huge losses that you have had to deal with. I cannot but admire you for the way you are managing and what you are doing. Wow! All I can hope for is that as you continue to progress that you will discover some meaning from what you have been through, that your identity - who you are- will include all of that and that you will be a truly wonderful person. One of the strengths of this site is that we can tell our story, and that is not something that is fixed and unchanging, it is something that is continually changing and adapting and growing as we grow. So grieve for what is past, shed a few tears and lament what has been, but hang in there and continue with what you are doing. You are one tough person. Cheers Sailor
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Hi Artist_in_recovery, Reading your post i can honestly relate to how you feel. I was diaganosed in Nov 07 after my first operation, my 2nd operation was the day my little girl started kindy and i missed that. I missed all the things most people get to do like go to easter hat parades at the school, concerts due to radiation and sickness, infections, etc. Im only 32 and sometimes feel like im old, i sleep most of the day on and off, have 7 kids to look after (2 are toddlers at home) and are on meds for severe depression, but im doing the best i can that's i can achieve for the moment, i know things will get better, hopefully it will after my next op, take care Sham
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