I haven't been online for sometime now. I still check out the site every now and again. It is sad to see so many new members. It is sad to see that some members are no longer with us. You may be curious about my blog title. In May 2010, I wrote a blog titled "Our bed", that was the night before a hospital bed was being delivered to our home, in the last few weeks of my brave precious husband's life, not that I knew it was going to happen so quickly at the time. I remember feeling so overwhelmed at the time that it would possibly be our last night together in OUR BED, and I was right. It was. Now, 21 months later, I have just had a new bed delivered and I was not prepared for the onslaught of emotions that would come with it. A sense of betrayal.........that I have left him behind by replacing the bed that we had spent so many nights in each other's arms, sometimes with tears but always with love. A sense of excitement........I get to choose a new quilt cover and loads of cushions that look pretty and inviting and comforting. It is bittersweet........Greg always used to say "how many pillows/cushions do you need?" and always.......always an overwhelming sense of lonliness, that the love of my life is missing. As tired as I always am, I find it very difficult to go to bed, because it's an empty bed, it is empty of the love that I once knew and thrived on. A place of comfort is now a place of dread and now it is just MY bed.
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Super Contributor
I guess it takes a long time to learn to be alone at night. I rang an aunt yesterday going through this. My uncle died 4 months ago and she cries every day and spends every weekend at her daughters' place . She can't even cope with days home alone. It was their 55th wedding anniversary 3 days after he died. A new quilt etc. is good . It can be a bit more feminine instead of unisex. Belated condolences.
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Contributor
I have my lovely wifes ashes in a tasteful ( kitcheny ) glass jar, I have a towel around it, because the glass can be cold. My wife and I still sleep in the same bed. Bizzare? well yes maybe, comforting ? absolutely, in my mind she is with me all night, I can cuddle up and talk to her, in the mornings I get her up with me and sit her in her chair. Strange behaviour? absolutely, do I need counselling?, I have been going for a while now, but I havnt mentioned the above, I may get certified. Who cares, we were married for 40yrs before this rubbish disease took her away from me. Will I get over loosing her? probably not. wombat4
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Thank you Mrs Elton and Wombat4 for your honesty and vulnerability. A difficult topic that I think all of us partners think about but aren't game to put into words.
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Dear Mrs Elton, Firstly, you amazing woman.......my heart goes out to you and my hat goes off to you for surviving..... Please know that your story has inspired me in my own journey....... Words fail me now....... Thank you for sharing so honestly, and making me (and others) feel less isolated and freakish...... Good luck to you and your children. Stay strong and I raise my glass to you and your family tonight. I pray I will be there later rather than sooner, but the universe might have other plans!! Thank you PA
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Contributor
Dear Mrs Elton, Firstly, you amazing woman.......my heart goes out to you and my hat goes off to you for surviving..... Please know that your story has inspired me in my own journey....... Words fail me now....... Thank you for sharing so honestly, and making me (and others) feel less isolated and freakish...... Good luck to you and your children. Stay strong and I raise my glass to you and your family tonight. I pray I will be there later rather than sooner, but the universe might have other plans!! Thank you PA
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Dear Mrs Elton, Firstly, you amazing woman.......my heart goes out to you and my hat goes off to you for surviving..... Please know that your story has inspired me in my own journey....... Words fail me now....... Thank you for sharing so honestly, and making me (and others) feel less isolated and freakish...... Good luck to you and your children. Stay strong and I raise my glass to you and your family tonight. I pray I will be there later rather than sooner, but the universe might have other plans!! Thank you PA
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Super Contributor
My mum had 7 children 16 and under when my dad was killed by a hit-and -run drunk driver speeding through a red light at a pedestrian crossing. It is very hard to lose your husband and have to raise children without a dad and to be without a husband but somehow you find the strenghth. You must have found it to have come this far .
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Contributor
Hi Mrs Elton Grief is a funny thing isn't it? Our loved ones have moved on and we feel guilty about moving forward. I had to move house six months after hubby passed. When the purchase of the new house settled I was overwhelmed with sadness because this is my house not ours. Whenever I feel I am letting him down I have a conversation in my head with him and most times he tells me to get over myself. :) Greg definitely would not mind you getting a new bed and the new cover and is probably laughing at the number of cushions you have added. Two years and 3 months later I still sleep only on my side of the bed and I still wish my hubby goodnight every night. Some habits are harder to change. This may sound corny but I eventually overcame my sleep issues becuase I realised that love survives death. He is gone but so many things remind me every day as to how much he loves me. As with all things it will take time but eventually we all heal. Hugs
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Occasional Contributor
Hi Mrs Elton. I havent been on this site for awhile but as I was driving up to Perth today for lunch with friends I was thinking about you and wondering how you were going. When I first came on this site after my husbands diagnosis in August 2009 I followed your story all the time. So when I came home tonight and decided to log on I couldn't believe your entry was there. It has been 16 weeks today since I lost my darling husband and I can relate to your story so much. I am devistated, so very lonely and the lying in our bed all alone each night is heartbreaking.Wishing you all the best in Your Bed. Widowhood sucks.
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Contributor
Since my husband has had prostate cancer since 2001 and he is alive it scares me to have read this story of yours. I couldn't imgine what it would be like for me to have a bed like yours but it must be so lonely for you. I don't want my husband pass away ever. I don't want to be a widow at all. Why did you get a bed that you would throw out the other one that you had all cuddles there with all the memories. Glenys.
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Occasional Contributor
Hi glenys48woods. As another widow I am sure Mrs Elton is trying very very hard to move on with her life even in some small part like buying a new bed. As she has said it brings up many emotions as it is so hard to move on without them but small changes need to be made. Jill I hope you can get some more peaceful sleep in your new bed. Regards Gail
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Occasional Contributor
Sorry posted twice
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Not applicable
I know this will come to me soon as my husband seems to have one foot in another world. I don't think he will ever really leave me though because our memories cannot die. After 42 years I don't know how I will be when our time comes to say goodbye, but I am so thankful for the web site and the peace it is giving me. Jeaneil
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Contributor
Thats right Jeaneil, you memories will be precious and will never leave you. You and your husband will be together for all time, just in a different way. wombat4
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Contributor
Hi Sangeeta, I am sure that you are right saying that Greg is probably laughing about the number of cushions on the bed now........and I know that he wouldn't have a problem with me getting a new bed. I too continue to sleep on 'my' side of the bed and I have to have a pillow to cuddle during the night. Love to you and your girls. Jill x
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Hi Sangeeta, I am sure that you are right saying that Greg is probably laughing about the number of cushions on the bed now........and I know that he wouldn't have a problem with me getting a new bed. I too continue to sleep on 'my' side of the bed and I have to have a pillow to cuddle during the night. Love to you and your girls. Jill x
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Contributor
Wombat4, my theory is 'do whatever you need to do for you'......... unless someone has walked in your shoes they cannot possibly know what it feels like..and even those of us who have cared for and lost the love of our lives..it will be different in some way for each of us because our relationships were unique. Sending you strength and courage, Mrs Elton
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Contributor
I too have a pillow to cuddle! Hugs to you and your boys.
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Contributor
im so sorry to hear you feel like this 😞 im sure this will all get easier with time.. its hard to break a habbit of going to bed with a loved one after so many years... my fiance is terminal and although we both still live at home, we almost always sleep in the same bed at night, and it is comforting to know he is there.. some nights i lay awake thinking of the horrible road we have ahead.. i cannot imagine it and it panics me.. as they say though time heals all wounds, and although you may never 'get over' what happend because i believe nobody can, i think it gets easier to live with... have you tried getting a really good book? i find that if i have a good book to read in bed it helps.. :) take care xoxo
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