Well life on the road is turning into a disaster,I foolishly thought that we were doing the right thing after he refused to have anymore treatment, he wanted to just travel in our caravan and try and forget everything.
Unfortunately Cancer isn't something you can forget,we have visited quite a few places and it started off fine, however as we progressed and the pains started in his legs, (he insisted it was not the cancer but a pulled muscle)more and more things started to get worse.We finally reached the Eyre Peninsular and I convinced him to visit a small country hospital, they were extremely helpful, better than the big cities, and the Doctor there told him he was taking his medication all wrong, instead of waiting till the pain was really hurting and just taking one tablet, he was supposed to be taking 2 tablets 4 times a day to keep things under control, the Doctor rang the health dept. and we were given a huge prescription to last him for the next stage of the journey.
Things were a lot better after that for awhile, however what I am finding it hard to deal with is the sudden bursts of bad temper, I thought I was trying to help with helping him set up the van at the various parks, however after one burst of abuse I was apparently making him feel inadequate and an invalid, well this was only one of the things that come out when he is in these moods, I try and ask if he is in pain when he has these bouts, but am accused of being a F***** bitch and causing him all kinds of grief.I have a mantra I use every morning to myself that no matter what he says I will not let it affect me, but being human I am finding it very hard.
I know there are people out there that will say I am being selfish as the poor man is suffering however don't you think I know this,yesterday he insisted he was feeling good and wanted to go for a walk, so off we went, unfortunately on the way back he had a fall and took all the skin off his head, legs and shoulder.It was very hard to see him suffer these injuries as he is going through so much but I patched him up and he was OK.Today we went for a drive, I asked if he wanted me to drive and he said no, so I let him go, had a lovely morning and he was talkative for once, however when we got back to the park, I must have triggered something off by asking where to next..well the abuse started again accusing me of not listening and he has already told me 5 times, then the swearing that I am sure everyone heard, accusing me of trying to make out that he is forgetful????
Am I the only person out there who has to listen to this, I am finding harder and harder to keep up with the mood swings and abuse,I am not by any means a submissive person and I have to just shut up because I then feel guilty if I upset him. He will continue to sulk for a while until I start to speak to try and make things normal, but if I did not speak we could go on like this for days.
Any suggestions please and please is this normal
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.