I have been warned by the palliative care nurses we are in our last weeks and while it seems unbelievable while he sits in his chair and laughs at Mrs Browns Boys it is equally believable when he can't get up and go anywhere without a lot of assistance. 3 dear friends on this site have lost their loved ones to this beast in recent weeks and now it appears it will soon be my turn. I feel like I am drowning in sadness as he finally is coming to realise how things really are and our 14 year old son is downstairs in his bed crying his eyes out because of some small ridiculous run in with his mother when really he wants to scream at the world and God it's not fair, DON'T TAKE MY DAD! How inadequate I feel right now unable to really ease anyones pain, let alone my own.
5 Comments
Frequent Contributor
I hope I could say something to make you feel better and have a way to help you ease your son's sadness. You're in a tougher situation than me having a kid. Please don't think about those short time you may have with your husband and try to be happy and normal. I know it's not easy as you feel sad and have the pain and fear of what is coming. I would say I was in denial and kept thinking that things would get better but I guess that helped me to stay positive and not being too upset about it all but here were also times when I was sad as you could see from what I blogged. I know you try to stay strong for everyone but it's OK to be sad and get it out of your system.
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Super Contributor
It must be especially hard on your son,old enough to know what's happening but still a boy. You know you're not inadequate ,I hope ,even if you feel that way temporarily .
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Occasional Contributor
I am just crying with you and feel your pain, I too just wish it would go away. My 16 yr old just had a fight with his dad (he hasn't smoked in many many years but we found he has been lately, which definitely won't be helping his GBM) but I know he was also just trying to say Dad "I just don't want you to die"...the two younger girls retreat to their rooms because I can't stop from loosing it with him. Obviously the stress is overwhelming for everyone but he used to be a fighter, always going to beat this horrid thing..now smoking, has he decided to give up?? I asked did he want to go somewhere, do something, but he barely wants to even have a conversation anymore, doesn't joke with the kids etc.. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired and scared and lonely . I never thought I could feel so much pain and we still have our loved one with me. I am starting to hibernate as I don't want to be out and loose it. I sooo HATE this disease and like you said with others passed on just recently on this site.. I too wonder how much time we have, and how we are going to get through it. I so know your relentless misery and am so sorry for you and your son.
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Occasional Contributor
I am so sorry for your fight, my Gary went in August, you have to keep things simple, don't go overboard with trying to make things right, they can't handle complicated things, it really isn't worth the stress and they get confused, always remember it is the Tumour that makes them who they are. I lost the real Gary 13 months before he die, when they cut out that thing and left me with a shell of who he was but we still had him and we hand some good times, yes he knew in the beginning he was changed, but as the time went on, we lost the real him but I wouldn't have changed a thing. So let your son scream, my son at 29, cried and yelled and said he couldn't do it anymore, and cried himself to sleep but stayed until the end with his 2 sisters, and he wouldn't have done anything different, but they have changed as well, we all do after our own journeys through this shit time, so go have a wine with your husband and enjoy the time you have left, hugs Lorraine.
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Contributor
Hi exhausted, I do wish nobody else had to go through this monster, but you have to, and will do. I thought we had more time than we did, Keps MRI 6weeks before, told it was back and 6 weeks later he took his last breath. So quick.The doctors told me from the report, it was amazing how fast this horrid thing grew. I so hate the word GBM. Hold in there Terese because at the end you will thank god he is out of his misery then you will deal with the grief Sandra
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