Friday was my 2nd dose in round two of chemotherapy in the last 2 years. I am not sure how I am feeling at the moment as my Dr has told me that if they can not see the Chemo working after two doses then the hospital will not approve any more due to costs. 😞 I am trying to stay positive and strong for my children but my fears are all starting to come back and I find myself thinking "WHAT IF" ... what if it doesnt work, what if they tell me there is no hope. I am scared and feel like no one understands. My family do all they can to help me and are always there but I just have no one to talk to who understands my fears. And i feel horrible thinking "STOP SAYING THAT" when people say " u will be fine, ur ok, dnt worry, ur strong" right now I feel weak and scared and alone. I just need to vent 🙂 and hope that it's ok to do it here xx thank you
12 Comments
Frequent Contributor
sure is OK.
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Contributor
Hugs to you.
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Occasional Contributor
Hi, Xanadu, I think the loneliness of cancer, can only ever be understood by those who have been or are going through it, just as the loneliness of family and friends can only be understood by those who watch on. Each tries to pretend for the other, that their worlds aren't falling apart. Believe in the chemo. I had radiotherapy and lying face down "perfectly still" I used to imagine "pac men" eating into the cells and destroying anything "bad". Venting is good - keeping it in is worse. Remember the Xanadu lyrics: "The dream that came through a million years That lived on through all the tears It came to Xanadu The dream, you dream, well it will happen for you" Think of a goal and focus on it. Then have mini goals -A walk in the park on a sunny day. Go well, Sam
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Thank you everyone xoxo having a few bad days and the nausea just won't go away and there is nothing left to throw up but I am keeping positive and thinking good thoughts. Thank you Sam for the words of Xanadu 🙂 made me smile xoxo again thank you to everyone reading over this site and reading others fights makes me feel less alone xoxo
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Super Contributor
People who haven't been through cancer cannot comprehend the fear. They say things to try to get you to be positive and it's not realistic sometimes. I rarely use the word but I did say to my oncologist that beibg positive is "bull....".That was really out of character for me but I was depressed at the time.The fear drove me to say things or think things that were not really me. I thought at times I was becoming a selfish person. You sound like you are doing well considering what you are going through. I wish for the best outcome for you.
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Occasional Contributor
Hi Xanadu, feel for you, lousy place to be - it will pass, its the chemo stuffing around with your head, thats all. (Gee, its amazing how you get used to all this after a while - still totally sucks when it hits you though)
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Super Contributor
How soon will you know how it went?
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Super Contributor
How soon will you know how it went?
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finally had my scan on Thursday and now just to wait till the 29th for results. Getting very nervous now 😞
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Super Contributor
I thought I wasn't worried about my MRI last week but hardly slept the night before and then had to wait till Thursday for the result. I was mostly confident all would be ok but still a little nervous. Mine was ok.I hope yours is too. I think we all get a bit nervous awaiting results.
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Got my results back and it looks like things are well, Chemo is shrinking the tumors so now will continue with final 4 rounds due to finish sept 2nd 🙂 hoping it kills off EVERYTHING lol hears to us all still fighting GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS xoxxo
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Super Contributor
Congratulations!
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