Time to reflect

[Jods77]

Its been a while since I have visited and/or posted on this blog, in fact it was the day my dad died that was the last time. Since then I have had my ups and downs as you can expect and the road has been paved differently to that I thought it would have been. One thing that has kept me going and times kept me crying (especially when I was in a really clouded space) was the fact that Dad is is still part of our conversations. Mum and I will often reflect on "how dad would have done it" or "what would dad say/do in that situation" and whilst at times of celebrations this may bring tears to our eyes we now can also have a bit of a smile on our face when we think about some things. My mum and dad had a beautiful, loving relationship that was the envy of many friends and family and something that I aspire to have with my own husband. My dad supported mum to be what she is today without him, and always made sure that she had the skills to do what she needed to whether he was there or not. He valued her opinion and her determination. Today, from wherever he is, my Dad would be just as proud of the woman that he married and the way that she has carried herself through the past 2.5 years and how she will continue to use skills that he taught her. I am proud of my mum; more proud that i think I can ever explain to her...What I am most proud of her is that we can continue to talk about dad together and for it never to be something that is forgotten. My journey over the past 2.5 years has also been something that I have reflected on recently and I can only now see just how far i have come. Every opportunity can provide some light and positive to reflect and stay positive. I miss my Dad everyday the same as i did those couple of years ago but I know that I have the memories to keep me going!

[chris_martin]

Hi there. Like you I haven't posted on here for a long time.My beautiful dad passed in Sept 2010 and I was so lost without him as he was my best friend, advisor and I could always chat to him anytime day or night. I never thought I would get over losing him (he was 83)and I cried all the time the first 18 months or so and I still do. The thing that gets me through is the fact that I know he is always looking out for me. But it is really the many memories I have of him. I can be just sitting here and all of a sudden a memory will pop up and I will laugh and laugh. Even though the tears still come the fantastic memories still pull me through. That is dad's way of letting me know he is still around me and when tears are threatening I just have to rely on my many great memories.Just keep thinking of those memories. Chris

[Kim_K]

Hi Jods77. Thanks for sharing your experiences with this group! I appreciate the comment about your mum and dad. I am just wondering if you had any advice you could share with how you helped support your mum thru the tough times as at the moment this is what I am wondering on what to do/what to say in regards to emotional support etc. Dad is terminal with Pancreatic Cancer. Thanks heaps 🙂

[Jods77]

Hi Kim K, For me just touching base with my mum via phone (they/she lives nearly 2 hours away) to talk about how things are and what happened that day was always a goodpoint. I struggled at times as obviously the stress and day to day of the situation would at times have my mum be a little short but you take that and know that at the end of the day you are on the journey together. As a practical solution I found that I would offer to stay the night and usually try and let mum relinquish the responsibility for a day of having to take dad for treatment etc. Or for her it was also about being about to go to the shops without having to worry. Its about reading the signs and I suppose knowing your mum about what to say and when. My mum guided us thru how she was feeling and I let her use me as a sounding board. My mum and dad were extremely close, best friends and so they spoke about their thoughts and expectations of how my mum was to live her life once my dad was no longer with us so I think that also helped. My mum also had the support of her sisters who would touch base with her and I would be on the outer speaking with them updating them too, but that needs to be managed carefully as it could blow up, although thankfuly in our situation it worked well. I hope that helps and if I think of anything else I will post 🙂 Its hard as at the time I was also supporting my brother through it as he was not coping but didn't realise it and other family members were leaning on me and using me as a conduit for information...such a confusing and interesting time, if that makes sense? Hope that helps, take care

[Jods77]

Hi Chris, its amazing how we can use our memories to get us through. I wish I could somehow capture them, even though they are special to me I want to share them....