What has become increasingly obvious to me is when people say, " I am here for you", it doesn't always ring true.
Since my Mum's diagnosis I have found myself having to ignore more people than I thought I would.
When I recently went on holiday, a family member accused me of "abandoning my Mum". When I expressed online the grief I was feeling another person said, "you are making your Mum's cancer all about you"
I have been accused of not caring or not caring enough. Or not providing enough financial assistance.
They cannot understand when I really don't want to discuss my Mum's will with them or make funeral plans ( my Mum isn't dead yet).
When talking to my Mum her feelings are the opposite. She feels I am supportive and am handling everything with dignity and respect. I take her to appointments, take care of her when she's sick with chemo and even shave her legs( cancer in her spine makes it hard to bend).
Did not think I would be under so much scrutiny and people would think their advice would be helpful.
I have a small group of people that I have come to rely on. They don't judge or give advice and they listen when I need to talk. However, it's not to say that people's comments and advice don't hurt.
Especially on days when it's heartbreaking. When my Mum was told that the damage in her spine may require surgery which means she may lose the use of her legs. The day I found out an insensitive soul had a go at me because I hadn't offered to my Mum that she should move in with me. First of all, my Mum would hate it and loves that she still lives in her own home and secondly, its none of their business.
Has anyone else found this kind of insensitivity in their battles with cancer or in caring for their loved ones?
How do you resist the urge to punch them?
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.