I'm writing because I want to know the answer to that question. Sometimes I am so close to knowing I can reach out and grab it, other times it has vanished inside a fog of chemicals, memories, daily routines and tiredness. So I'm writing to try and reconnect with what I really think.
I doesn't matter quite where I start, either. I've found along the way that for me it's best to just start writing and see what happens. It's like putting the kettle on. Well, sometimes I do forget to put water in and we all know what happens then. But mostly I get a cuppa out of it.
I am really noticing a big change at the moment. I am quite happy to be on my own. I don't feel I need to be running out the door all the time to get involved in social things, keeping in touch with a wide range of people, sharing an abstract idea of what an extended family should be.
I really am quite comfortable just sitting within myself a lot of the time. And because that hasn't been the case for me over the years I'm relishing it now. It really is a good healthy feeling.
I try and eat well, read, write, keep close to my few intimate male friends and pay attention to my relationship with my wife. It's so different for her since I got sick. She has a lot of adjusting to do. I'm enjoying making some space for her to do that. I'm happy working within my energy levels and enjoying what comes along day to day.
I think I'm doing OK right now. That's what i think.
I'm glad I've got that down.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.