I've been in a very big hole lately. For a while I was happy to just sit at the bottom, in the darkness, in the quiet, alone. I took time to contemplate what had happened, what is happening and what might happen. I took time to think about what will happen, don't know when, not quite sure how. I did what I had to do, the very basics to keep our family fed and clothed. The housework had to wait. The kids didn't get bathed every night, sometimes we got take-away. I wasn't interested in communicating with people. I slept when I could, I have been feeling so tired. I knew it was time to come out of the hole, I made the effort to pull myself up, but the sides were slippery and I kept falling back in, exhausted from trying, exhausted from failing. I wasn't enjoying being in the hole anymore, I wanted to be out, I wanted to feel some sunshine on my face. I could hear other people calling out from their holes, some were deeper than mine. I started communicating with them and I found strength, the strength to get to the top. I feel better after my time in my hole, I know there will be another one along my path, it might be shallow or it might be deep, I might be in there on my own or there may already be someone at the bottom when I drop in. I know that it's OK for me to sit there for a bit, but I can't stay there. Thank you all for being my sunshine. I need the sunshine.
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