Today at counselling I mentioned some nerves about my upcoming holiday. The counsellor said she would pray for me and my sister to be safe while away and therefore God would make it be ok. I am an atheist so I gave her a doubtful look and she was like, yes, truly, God will look after you. She said she knew I didn't believe and so she wasn't going to get into it with me. Partly because of that but mainly because it was almost the end of session I bit back my strong desire to ask in that case why God had given me and my sister cancer. I have never been bothered by the question of "why me" about why I got I cancer. There is no answer and there's no use worrying about it. But now I feel bothered. I don't believe in God so obviously it is illogical to say "why did God give me cancer". Maybe what bothers me is that she believes in God and thinks he cares about us so what does she think about why I got cancer? How can she say God will protect me from harm when he obviously won't? Does she think he was punishing me but now he's forgiven me so will look after me now? She obviously did not mean to upset me but sometimes she accidentally does. Maybe I should not go to a counselling service that is attached to a church. But in some funny way I trust the church. Or, at the least female non-clergy members of it.
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