Will it ever be the same ??

[AmieR]

My life before this horriable thing happened to my family and i was wonderful. Just 6 short months ago i had a great place to live , wonderful friends , an awesome job , was just about to leave on my first adventure around the world , loved my family so much and i was pretty care free - i remember saying to a friend , "hay lifes pretty great at the moment". sure i craved for some things to be a little better , my love life was and still is no existant , but hay with everything else looking great that wasn't an issue. Then dad fell at work and hit his head , they sent him off for scans to make sure everything was alright - a week later dad's in the hospital on the cancer care ward , life seemed to take a tumble , but only a small one. We met with a doctor after doctor after doctor until one finally said to us that yes this is cancer and yes this is what will kill my dad , my first thoughts were "aren't you stupid doc , you don't know my dad he is the strongest man in the world - he'll kick cancers arse". Fast forward to now , i have just got home to my parents house after a visit with dad at the hospital , Dad is now under close observation because he's confused about where he is and why he is there and keeps trying to "escape". The man who was once the strongest man in the world is now to weak to get out of bed on his own , is wearing incontinance aids , to confused to realise who his grand daughter is or why i wasn't at school and asking where my older brother (who has been in jail for almost 4 years) is. How do you cope with this??? I am coming to terms with the fact that Dad wont be around to see me get married , or be there to hold my children ,see me buy my own house , to listen to my stories about my travel adventures or see me finish my studies but how do you live through seeing your strenght weaken ?? I am a trained facilator in Wellness Recovery , I am suppose to know how to cope with triggers and break downs- but if i don't know how to do this for myself , if i can't see myself recovering from this how am i suppose to show others?? Will it ever be the same again ???

[vinouche]

Hi Amie, To answer your question, no, it will never be the same again, but it can be good. My dad was the strongest as well until cancer took him, my mumthen became my best friend, and cancer took her too. It was very hard but I learned to go on with life, knowing that they are both keeping an eye on me and my family. the next few moths wekks or years will be tough bt you will learn a lot about yourself. Take this opportunity to get closer to your parents and give them your love. Also take care of yourself because you will need to be strong for them. xoxox Sylvie

[AmandaC]

Dear Amie, I read this and shed a tear remembering how my grandfather, my best friend, my strength and support succumb to his dementia 2 years ago. The hardest part of what your going through is that sense of your loved one being here, but not really being here; as they are not themselves when there mind is not clear. I can't tell you how many nights I cried myself to sleep, or panicked about his welfare or even worse wondered how he felt about his life. When my grandfathers dementia got bad he no longer knew he was forgetting, which made it easy for him but worse for us because he really felt nothing for us he did not remember past the age of about 10yo. You have to ask yourself what would your dad do in this situation? what would he want for you? in some way answering this is like having him there to tell you, like feeling his strength to help you get through this very tough time. I won't lie its not easy, but your love for him and his years of guidance to this point will give you the stregth to get through this. There is not a day I don't think about my grandad now, that void can not be filled but when I do think of him I smile. I was so blessed to have him for the time he was with me and it seems I actually had his strength all along. hugs to you, I hope today is a better day what a strong and brave soul you are. XX Amanda