angry

[maddie86]

hi all, i feel so hurt.. friends that i thought would be there really havent.. my bf has bowel cancer and one of my closest friends has started haning out with my ex bf rather than me! she avoids rinning me or seeing how im going.. 😞 i feel so hurt and angry... i feel almost lost like alone.. its my partner who has cancer so when he's unable to pick me up off the floor coz he is himself whos there for me?

[AmandaC]

Hey maddie, I am bot a survivor and partner of a survivor and I to have been through this with my friends. I know you feel hurt and angry, but young people tend to be both frightened and unsure of what to do or say in this situation. Its not a reflection on you, but a reflection on their inability to cope with the adult concept of serious illness. I can't tell you how long its has taken me to get over people doing it to my hubsand and myself, I will say I no longer bother with those people. Sometimes letting those around you understand how distressed you are and even what you and your bf need from them to survive helps. Cancer brings out both the best and worst in people. I know there are alot of groups for partners/carers of patients and it may be worth you looking into that. I found looking after my husband 10 times more stressful than going through my cancer because you do need to give anything you have to your partner to keep them upbeat. This is also a great place for support, I hope you can find some support in your friend when you tell her how you feel. Its great to have people to talk to especially on the bad days. Amanda XX

[maddie86]

thank you 🙂 it is hard but i understand when u say looking after ur husband is worse.. i think its easier to be looked after rather than look after someone else...

[purpleangels]

YEah- Friends are funny- they say they are supportive, and I think they would like to be but it weirds them out on two fronts.....firstly they realise that it could happen to them, and secondly, they want you to have your treatment and get over it. Unfortunately we thought the initial treatment would sort Bob's cancer right out and he would be able to get back to work 6-9 months after his op. Well it is nearly two years down the track and he is so far from working it is ridiculous. He is flat out looking after himself while I am at work, and most days stays in bed in pain. Just focus on good friends- even one.....and from my experience, you just need to let the others go...they may come back one day, or not at all, but you have to choose where you put your energy.....