don't know what to do anymore

[cmclc]

Its been 11 days since I lost my husband of 35 years to pancreatic cancer that spread to the bones, we've been together for 42 years, we were high school sweethearts. I don't know how to go on without him, He fought so hard to stay alive, I know he did it for me, he was worried that I wouldn't continue to live, I promised him I would take care of myself and I would be okay. I lied, I did that so he could pass and the suffering he endured would stop. I love him so much. He loved life and people loved him. I can't imagine living without him. I envy people who are divorced and hate their former partner. I can't sleep or eat. People tell me it will get easier, I think they are lying like I did. I want to believe that I will see him again, touch him, feel his arms around me, hold hands. That's all I have to hold on to.

[Jules2]

cmclc I am sorry to read of your loss. It sounds like you had such a wonderful relationship with your husband. I think things will get better for you and it just takes time and no one can really say how much time. gentle hugss Julie

[SamR]

Hi cmclc, So sorry for your loss, it is very early days yet and the grieving process takes a long time, especially when you lose someone you love so much. My Mum lost the love of her life, my Father nearly 43yrs ago now, my Dad was just 50yrs old and they were coming up to their silver wedding anniversary. It devastated my Mum, but somehow she took it one day at a time and the years passed. I know though, the love they shared, lives on in my Mum's heart and I know she longs to be reunited with Dad, which I am sure will happen when it is time. Be gentle with yourself, let the tears flow, but remember the promise you made to your husband. I like to think my Dad is there somewhere watching over my family and hope this poem brings some comfort: Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow, I am the diamond glints on snow, I am the sun on ripened grain, I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die. Author: Mary Elizabeth Frye - 1932 Take care and allow yourself to grieve, without expectations to be strong or brave, but simply get through each day and one morning you will hear the birdsong again and see beauty in flowers and sunsets. Sam