i feel guilty.. guilty that i want this to be over... guilty that i feel relieved when im alone now.. i know i'l regret it when it happens but im constantly worrying about him, worrying he wont take meds... worrying about when his next 'tantrum' will errupt... he is no longer emotinally available to me.. yet i have to be to him and myself and both families! its crazy... am i wrong for saying that? i cant stop feeling guilty and i hate it.. when i find myself doing something and relaxing my mind thinks 'oh no how can u be happy when he is at home in agony..".. hmmm
Have you been reading my mind??? Well it must be pretty normal if more than one of us feels this way. Hugs Terese.
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Maddy/Terese At times my hands have got such a grasping feeling; personally I think I have a slight bent for the throat area, within their resides a major artery, the jugular I think it is called. Yes it is a good thought,.... well for me anyway, such a loving good thought about that jugular I have. F_ck anyone else (except Lorraine and then "yous guys"). Bitches/Bastards how dare they inflict this upon us to watch and endure their demise, HOW DARE THEY! Then how dare they leave us,..... with a whopping big black hole. i dream of that jugular; now no more. Ahh the first anniversary coming up, 4 weeks tomorrow. Sh_t I rarely used to swear, and never in public.
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Maddie Dont feel guilty, it is just natural to have those thoughts. It is a bit like a judgement, we all have them and it only becomes judgemental when we act on it. Same with your thoughts, that is all they are and I am sure you are as supportive as you can be to your fiance. Hugsss Julie
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Occasional Contributor
Hi Terese, Just wondering how you are travelling as if I don't know the answer. Thinking about you and sending hugs. xxxx
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