hiding away

[lizzie1040]

Well I got my letter in the mail today about my next surgery that is a result from my first cancer. I am looking forward to it but scared at the same time.I have a bladder reconstruction and a sling put in. I am hoping that is straight forward, but my family are hurting seeing me go under the knife once again. I have tried to hold them up in the past but for some reason no longer have the strength to do so this time. Please help, all I do now is work and come home. I have even found it hard to answer the phone from them for they want to hear words that I no longer have. I am tired and just need some support from people that sometimes do not have the right word. I need some incouraging words for my family, please help they think I have given up because I do not want to talk about it. I have far from given up but with everything over the last four years I just do not want to say the wrong thing to them..

[wombat4]

Nobody wants to go on this journey lizzie, nobody puts their hand up and volunteers for it, we are just thrown on the wagon and it begins. Where the journey takes us we have yet to find out. A lot of the time we are travelling in the dark. I can understand that you are feeling tired, the journey is physically and emotionally exhausting. Your family should really be the ones to offer you support, not the other way around. Maybe instead of telling them over the phone and not being able to find the right words at the time, perhaps sit down and write them a letter saying how it is with you, and how you really are doing your best to get through this, but you need them to be supportive and positive for you. A letter sometimes has advantages over voice contact as you can get it right without interruptions. They will understandably be looking for good news from you, and they need to know sometimes this is not possible all the time. Being constantly stoic can be very wearing. It is a journey with many ups and many downs, and family support is important. Wombat4

[Tina_Basson]

Hi Lizzie,I agree with wombat and believe that you are entitled to have your ups and downs and when these happen you need your family support.I know how hard it is to try and find the words that people want to hear when you are so emotionally and physically drained,sometimes you just dont have it in you.I to think writing a letter to your family will give you the ability to express yourself and help them to see things from your perspective.Good luck with your surgery stay strong Huge hugs and wishes.Tina

[lizzie1040]

Thank you to everyone on here I would never of thought of a letter and have done it already and believe me they cried there eyes out to think that is how I was feeling. I will in the future be doing that to all of them and the wonderful thing is the email system is great I posted it to all my family and believe it or not my father is on his was up and will be with me for the surgery.... Thank you Tina I need a lot of them and even though it is surgery again it does worry me.... Lots of thanks to everyone Lizzie1040

[Maggie_Mae]

Hi Lizzie...What wonderful ideas you find on here. So many understanding ears and hearts. The letter was the answer for you and it has relieved a lot of your angxiety and will allow you to put that energy to lift yourself up. I'm happy your Dad is going to be with you through your next surgery. I too am having a second surgery next Thursday and treatment after that. Even though I know there will be no more cancer there is always that tiny doubt in the back of your mind that you don't want to voice for fear it will come true. Good luck to you and I wish you nothing but good news. Jan

[lizzie1040]

Thanks Jan It is hard to think that one small suggestion would of helped me so much. Thank you wombat to that suggestiong as well Will keep you posted. Lizzie1040