how can i accept what to me is just unacceptable....

[smartyaligatorp]

all our plans all our dreams and goals all stolen and what remains is just a huge black void i try to keep busy and i've been working in part time and temporary jobs since cancer stole our future but lonliness, isolation, anger and my own health issues have meant that this is only short respites and all returns with a smash and a bang.

i move through the days and nights alone and in pain - physical, emotional and mental pain. i have no purpose and no goals. all that i was has been stolen. all our dreams have been broken.

i try to show a positive and resilient facade - but that is what is is....a facade and one with many cracks and flaws that it's difficult and extremely taxing to keep up. i cry

[Margaret_CCNSW]

Dear smartyaligatorpants Thank you for posting on your blog. It sounds like this past period has been very difficult for you. If you weren't aware, I just wanted to let you know of support services provided through the Cancer Council. Information about counselling services and peer support programs, which may be appropriate for you, can be accessed by calling our 13 11 20 Information and Support line. If you are experiencing a crisis, the following link provides some contact information which may be helpful for you. http://www.cancerconnections.com.au/content/resources-and-emergency-contacts Kind regards Margaret Cancer Connections Admin Team

[smartyaligatorp]

so horribly alone...thought that work would be a positive influence but it just makes it more real that I am alone and so very very lonely. Even in a crowded room where they are all chatting, talking about their lives, organising outings, lunches, etc there is no one even seeing me there. I say hello, listen and smile even share some news or other such things but never never am I included - I've baked, attempted to show how interested I am in being included to be totally shunned. This hurts so very much. I don't think I can handle it anymore, but I need to work, otherwise there's no money. Government says I am fit to work regardless of the multiple chronic health issues - amazing that I do what I can and I'm told that all is okay with me when in every respect I am shattered and in splinters under feet.

[magagie]

I understand, it's a shitty experience to go through and none of us should have to but unfortunately we do. I had some really hard times through my treatment over the last 18 months, and have found even after the treatment stops, it is still so hard. There is such a length recovery period from it all and it is harder than I ever thought it would be. I am here if you ever want to speak or vent to someone, hope that you are doing ok. Maggie.