i havent been on here in a while.. update: i married the love of my life.. despite him feeling sick and being in hospital just days before he did so well and we had a lovely day... now his liver is failing.. just two weeks after the wedding.. he sleeps a lot and doesnt eat really... the dr said weeks.. WEEKS?! i was in shock.. we all are 😞 i dont know if im ready for this.. i somehow need and want relief from this waiting around watching him in so much pain but i never ever want to say goodbye... he is depressed and pushing his mates away.. they came to visit and i felt so much better having that support there but he just yelled at me and stayed in his room until they left :( this is hell.. i honestly thought we had been through the worst of it.. his belly is big and his eyes are yellow.. my handsome new husband.. this isnt fair! im scared of waking up and he'l be dead next to me.. they say he'l slip into a coma.. that scares me him not being able to respond.. its breaking my heart watching my guy die... how will this ever make sense?
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Occasional Contributor
Maddie, my heart goes out to you my lovely. So glad to hear you got married but so sad about the here after. I don't know if it will ever make sense, its something that I struggle with daily. My hubby is not ....dare I say at a coma state atm. Some days I get this boost of joy that he is recovering but by the afternoon of that day he cannot string 3 words together. I totally lost it last night which ended up in my 16 yr old son ringing my mum . It caught me by total surprise when she turned up..but I realise they are also at the end of the rope. But so am I ...I need a break but there is no choice but to carry on. Take care my friend and I am not sure if you are religious or not but I am so will keep you in my prayers..I so feel for your broken heart. I believe my hubbies heart etc are keeping him going as he is not the man I married and as days go by and he forgets the children s names, well it devastates them as well as myself. I can't tell you how it can ever make sense as it is my battle right now,all I can say is I am so sorry for what you are going through and you are in my thoughts daily. Hugs and sorry I can't find the words...take care Wynette xxxx
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Super Contributor
I have never watched someone close to me going through anything like this so I can't say I know how it feels . I can only try to imagine . I have also heard it said that knowing what is going to happen doesn't make the end easier . Maybe this is true ,maybe not . Look after yourself and create happy memories whenever you get the opportunity .
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Contributor
thank you both..you are right there is no choice but to keep carrying on.. i would love to get out and go to the beach for the day but cant.. it sucks.. sitting around watching him in pain or off his face is all i do all day... he doesnt want friends to visit and it makes it worse on me... i get so bored and lonely 😞
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Frequent Contributor
You should speak up and tell your husband that you don't appreciate him yelling at you. You are going through this cancer journey as well and you are suffered just like him even though the experience and feeling are not the same. I know it is easy for me to say than for you to do but every now and then you have to remind him of this. I was the same as you being scared of waking up to find my partner lying dead next to me. Well, it didn't happen that way for me. Please take one day at a time and stay positive.
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New Contributor
I know how you feel my dad got like this at the end he was not making sense and then would get abusive, which broke my heart as I love him so much. When people are really sick they are scared, in pain and also trying to distance themselves from those they love. Just know he loves you, the day before dad died he told me to bugger off as he was upset by my mother being there (they don't get along) but the day after when he was clearly dying he let me hold his hand and made and effort to look into my eyes and wink at me (showing the dad I loved and knew) so although it doesn't help and can be heartbreaking to go through dont take it personally just by being there he wants to spend his last time left with you, enjoy the good with the bad and know from my experience that this can be all over in a flash so enjoy it and have no regrets for yourself xxx
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