where to from here?

[suncatcher]

I am new here, and thank goodness this popped into my browser before I chewed my fingers all the way to the bone.

My spouse has been diagnosed with invasive lobular breast cancer within the past 6 weeks. 

I keep telling myself, and others, that I have absolutely no idea exactly how this diagnosis is making her feel. I am reading a lot on how to approach/treat the cancer afflicted loved one, and putting it to use. 

Here is the downside, my spouse has been a bit self destructive in the past (before we became a couple) the doctors have prescribed anti anxiety agents (one of which i just flat out took away from her due to the outbursts of extreme aggressiveness) she was good to hear me out, and discuss a milder option with her doctor.

she has not began any other treatments or procedures yet, but this anger!! I say to her, it's okay to be angry at cancer, but my goodness don't let it push you back to the reckless person that just doesn't give a dam* if you hurt the people who love you. risking her own life, and the lives of others by drinking on top of these anxiety meds, and driving.  Not coming home to rather be at a doper house.  (this hurts me of course) but then to ask me "do I want her to move out ?" because  I am upset.

This scares me so much for her. I don't understand if the mind , perhaps due to previous destructive behavior, just resorts back to it's old patterns of thinking that life is anything less than precious when diagnosed with something as scary as cancer.

Do I notify the doctor that she is drinking on top of these anxiety meds, and it's not safe?

[suncatcher]

there is something else that worries me about my spouses emotional condition, 

even though there are no treatments or surgeries occurring at this time that might cause her not to feel well, she has been staying in bed more and more frequently. 

I gather from the tone of her voice when I call that she is spending this time crying.

that cannot be a good way to spend her time, I mean to say, not good for her emotional state pre treatment. 

I am just concerned that she may be thinking herself sicker pre treatment, then oh my... post treatment may be extremely devistating for her.

am I over thinking?   I am not shallow, but my thinking is  there is still life to be lived.. yes, potentially shorter than she may have imagined, but that could be any of us, any day.

I am very familiar with depression, and I suppose I do not want to see her suffer that any more than I want to see her afflicted by this cancer. 

[Glassfull]

Oh Suncatcher I hear you. I am very aware of the anger being directed at the loved one/ carer. My partner is stage 4 colorectal cancer metastasized. As a result of the original op when the tumour was removed, he now does not have much rectum hence he has little control of his toilet. The story is long so I won't go on but the anger directed at me and mates is so bad sometimes that I have to walk away. I have learned that I HAVE to involve myself in some things that nurture me e.g music or motor bike riding. So be strong and take care of yourself.