In May 2012, my husband was diagnosed with a brain stem tumour after having tests to find the cause of his constant hiccups. He completed 30 radiotherapy treatments over 6 weeks in June/July 2012, and had one dose of chemo in December 2012 (it made him too sick so he decided to stop treatment).
I have been his full time carer from the start, and I can feel his time is coming to an end. He is sleeping a lot, and I have to walk him everywhere because his balance and leg muscles are virtually non-existent.
He wants his suffering to be over, and I feel the same way. I feel so guilty for feeling that, but from what I understand its completely normal. It breaks my heart to see him suffering.
He isn't in pain, but gets very frustrated that his body doesn't move as well as it used to. He has a lot of trouble concentrating and focussing, and his vision is starting to deteriorate.
It is almost time for him to go into palliative care, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Scared because I know that his time is close, but relieved that I will have some extra help caring for him.
Anyway, I am thankful for this site, as I have been on my own until now, and need to be able to talk to people who have walked in my shoes. Others just don't understand because they aren't in the same position. They can sympathize, but they don't understand.
Don't feel guilty about palliative care. I think you have to think that your husband wouldn't want you to feel that way. Often it is a better option for people and allows them to be better partners than if they were having to take on all the roles that is associated with being a carer.
I am sorry this is happening to you and your husband and hope that you can get some help as it is really important to be able to access help and accept it.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.