Hello,
Welcome to our loving and supportive forums. I am sorry for the terrible stress that you are currently going through but be ensured that you are not alone nor the first to experience this. Especially with the fear of disappointing your loved ones or maybe even fearing that you will not achieve the set standards of others - Even if those goals are not really theirs but what you believe they desire from you instead.
Forgive me for saying but it seems that you tend to use more recreational activities to support or cope with your fears and emotions in general.
E.g. Drinking, gambling and etc, which inturns only fuels the fear of disappointment of others about yourself. It seems to be quite a unwanted cycle.
You need to break that pattern of fear by seeking alternative supportive activities.
E.g. Speaking with an hospital's guidance counselor or a the therapist, speak with a loved one - it's what families are for. You will not appear weak but instead instill a closer connection through communication and understanding of each other's needs. Find or practice a passion of yours - fixing cars, reading, gardening, something not on the cycle pattern.
Take one step at an time with each new step but remember to handle the bumps along the way as well.
How are you going now??
