My mum has multiple myeloma, she’s been living with it for a few years now and managed to knock it down a little through chemo and a stem cell transplant. Well, it’s back now, I guess it was never really gone, but it’s definitely back and getting worse. I am so scared about so many things, the main one being my mum is going to die soon and I have no idea what I will do without her. I’m scared that she is scared or that she will know I am scared when it eventually comes for her, I’m scared of how bad she will be in the final months physically, I’m scared I am going to f?&k my life up gambling/drinking/smoking which I always had under control but seem to be losing that now, I’m scared that I continue to disappoint my wife by coming home drunk and having spent hundreds of dollars and that I hate myself for days after doing that yet continue to do it anyway. There’s a million things I am scared of but these are big ones so I was hoping maybe someone out there knows how I feel and how I can gain back some control. Thank you for reading this and I really appreciate any advice you might have.
Welcome to our loving and supportive forums. I am sorry for the terrible stress that you are currently going through but be ensured that you are not alone nor the first to experience this. Especially with the fear of disappointing your loved ones or maybe even fearing that you will not achieve the set standards of others - Even if those goals are not really theirs but what you believe they desire from you instead.
Forgive me for saying but it seems that you tend to use more recreational activities to support or cope with your fears and emotions in general.
E.g. Drinking, gambling and etc, which inturns only fuels the fear of disappointment of others about yourself. It seems to be quite a unwanted cycle.
You need to break that pattern of fear by seeking alternative supportive activities.
E.g. Speaking with an hospital's guidance counselor or a the therapist, speak with a loved one - it's what families are for. You will not appear weak but instead instill a closer connection through communication and understanding of each other's needs. Find or practice a passion of yours - fixing cars, reading, gardening, something not on the cycle pattern.
Take one step at an time with each new step but remember to handle the bumps along the way as well.
How are you going now??
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