Am I doing wrong?

[Junine]

My husband has diagnosed lung cancer during Christmas time. Now he is having radiation and chemotherapy. Before the treatment we were educated about some safety precautions for patient and family during chemotherapy. It is pretty scary. So my thinking is make less contact with my husband( hugging, kissing sex)during his treatment. My husband really mad because I reluctant his hug. I was sally to overreact like that. Maybe he is really hurt. He told me he will never forgive me although I really really apologised. Now he does' t care about the safety thing could harm me. And I have to pretent I don't care either. He gets really mad if he notice I am trying to petect my self. He become very agressive and use his magic words ' I am the one who got cancer' Yelling at me. I am sick of this. I am trying my best to looking after him. I am working full time four days a week and giving him lift to hospital every day as well . My day off at home doing lots of cooking for his meal when I am at work and washing and cleaning of course. I have no relatives in Australia and he has nobody can help him either. I am the only one looking after him. But He doesn't appreciate any thing I did for him and really rude to me just because I overact for petect myself.  He thinks I think of myself before him. I shouldn't think of myself at all. He seems want my life miserable just because I don't have cancer like him. At lest he makes me feel like that. 

I am sad and hurt. He is driving me crazy. I would rather leave him.  Fxxx him. I hate this.

appologise my English.

[Budgie]

Hi Junine,

It sounds like you are both going through a very rough time.  Your husband might be having a hard time accepting his cancer.  Would he be prepared to speak with a counsellor?   There are counsellors you can be referred to so you can both have a chat about what is happening.  If your husband doesn't want to talk to anyone, that doesn't mean that you can't.

Don't be too hard on yourself.  You are right to take precautions.  Hugging your husband is quite ok, but if you're going to have sex, you should use a condom for protection.  You should protect yourself from all of his bodily fluids while he is having chemo. 

It makes it very difficult if you have no-one to offer you any support.    Hopefully, you will continue to use this forum to talk about things that are worrying you as well.

You do need to take time for yourself though.  Take a day, or even half a day to just relax and do something you want to do for yourself.

Take care

Budgie