My 75 yo mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer and told it has spread to her lymph nodes.
The Doctor has said she needs to have all her lymph nodes taken out and may need radio/chemo.
The issue is that my mum is refusing any further treatment/surgury. She has googled and found people who cured their cancer naturally and wants that option for her self. I am exhausted from trying to talk to her about following what the doctor is saying she needs to do
She is begging me to research and seek natural remedies to cure her cancer, I feel so much pressure and I don’t even know where to start.
I feel the Doctors treat patients like numbers and rush through consultations, hardly explaining things properly.
Hi Mark, what a difficult situation. It's really hard caring for someone with cancer, as we can only be the passengers on their journey (It's a hackneyed analogy, but it works...). Do you think it would help to have some time away from your Mum? Depending on your living situation, even a few hours or so away from her may give you some more energy and mental clarity. As hard as it is to deal with, the final decision about treatment must be hers, as she will be the one going through it. However, you can decide how you will respond to her decision.
Also, do you think the lack of information coming from the doctors may be contributing to her resistance to conventional treatment? What kind of treatment centre have you been going to so far? It may be possible to get a second opinion from a doctor who is more thorough and gentle, and that may go a long way to easing your Mum's mind about surgery etc.
I wish you both lots of good things. Emily
I had a similar experience with my dad when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer which had spread and was given only a few months to live. Dad refused to acknowledge that he had cancer, he wouldn't even refer to it as cancer (in fact I don't ever remember him using that word), and he was adamant that all the doctors were "idiots".
It's important to have someone close to you that you can vent to, confide in, open up to. For me it was my older brother and I would not have been able to cope with dad's journey if it weren't for him.
My brother and I felt he same - the oncology specialist had a great reputation for the work she did, but spent very little time with us or dad and her intern's did most of the visits to the ward. Even then it was only for 5mins or so and they would move on. We kept requesting to see the specialist, every day we asked her interns and nurses and whoever we could. Eventually she met us for 5mins which was the most insightful 5mins we ever had. It wasn't great news when we spoke to the specialist but at least it put things into perspective for us.
Regarding the research, there is too much conflicting info on the internet. Grab what info you can from cancer information centres (there might be one at the hospital) or even reach out to Cancer Council and they can provide you with some info too. Try to get info from trusted sources.
I hope this helps, and all the best to you and your mum.
Thank you for your replies and support.
My mum had decided to go through with the treatment!
We met with a new Doctor who sepnt a conciderable amount of time with Mum explaining everything. He was lovley and I am so happy but scared at the same time.
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