Tryin to deal with the news. My mil was told in mid January this yr that her breast cancer (which she has double mastectomy in 2015/16 and chemo etc) that Metastase to her brain. Approx a week later she stated radiotherapy and then chemo. Like most treatments she had side effects which meant she ended up in hospital 3 weeks dehydrated due to being unable to hold anything down.
After being in hospital for about a week, we found out she had a kidney and lung infection, and then 3 days later that phone call you don’t want. My fil rang to say they had been told days,weeks maybe a mth or 2. My husband and son flew to be with her.
While they were there, and trying to talk to drs, they found that she had trouble getting out of bed, and there was talk re her moving to a nursing home as home care not best for her. A few days later, it was found that she was having trouble breathing, with possible fluid on lungs. They weren’t able to do scan with dye as her kidneys weren’t coping, the creatinine levels were very high. Last Wednesday, they noticed stomach was swollen due to fluid being present and Thursday her stomach was drained. She had been on and off oxygen. There was talk about moving her to private hospital, and hopefully into a private room (currently public hospital, share ward) but today we have been told that won’t be happening.
They have confirmed that the cancer has spread to lungs and stomach, it has been labelled aggressive with weeks or a few months given.
Now we live interstate and I have teen children ,with my youngest doing her final yr at school ( her atar ), and a husband who feels like he has let his parents down by moving interstate to advance his career, to provide for his family.
I lost my father 12yrs ago to cancer, and my mum is in remission from breast cancer, so cancer isn’t a stranger to this family. But I am tryin to be strong, to be the support to all but I just don’t know what else I can do.
Any help, words etc will be great appreciated..
I am truly sorry that you and your family had to endure this. It's not fair and no one should ever experience such an thing. But what little I can offer is from my own experiences and maybe something no matter how small might be able to assist you.
Cancer tends to run heavily within my family and we had to face it, with many of my close loved ones. I've learnt that you will feel probably guilty about anything and everything - no matter how reasonable it is. This is normal and will come and go. You need to support and communicate with each other. Dont feel bad about needing to do this, your all going through the same thing and sharing your fears or worries will only bring everyone closer together. You are family, you are close and together you can pull through.
Or sometimes speaking with an stranger, social worker or anyone outside the family will act as an emotional release as well. Just to be heard or understood is what people sometimes need. (Or keep an journal - express yourself or passing thoughts).
You might feel guilty about needing to emotional distance yourself, in order to protect yourself from taking too much stress. This is also perfectly normal and happens to many people. Myself included. Dont feel bad about this - you are only human. Just don't forget about your needs as well, you need to look after yourself in order to support others inreturn. Do simple things that bring you pleasure or ground you, when everything feels like too much or your having nothing but bad luck.
Be strong, surround yourself with family and friends. It is hard, it is always hard but you will pull through. You will always pull through.
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