My brother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer 4 years ago. He is still alive today but physically and emotionally diminished by all the chemo and therapies he has received. Every month, we discover new metastasis. The recent treatments in his brain have left him half paralysed, with no indication as to whether or not this can improve.
After 4 years of struggle, the damage is total. I can just see the situation is destroying my entire family, day after day. I am posting because today I need help to support him and the rest of my family.
I live in Australia and my family, including my brother, is in France. I am an expat for more than 12yrs, my life is here. I have been coming back to France twice a year since his disease, unfortunately with Covid-19 travel from Australia is near impossible. I call my mother nearly every day. We do facetime. But this is not enough. Today my mother screamed at me on the phone as to how much pain this was for her.
Talking to my brother, whom I used to be close to, is extremely difficult. He has so much anger, pain and suffering within him, it is extremely hard to just listen. I have learnt to do so (listening) but he’s often aggressive at me. “you don’t care”. He has been extremely harsh since the beginning his disease.
I am undeniably in pain for my family, while fighting to continue build my life as a 35 woman. How can I provide better support to them? Why is he upset at me – is this legit, or a psychological side of the disease? What can I do differently to help?
I hope to receive support and guidance on this forum. We used to be such a close family. My parents gave us both all the love that can possibly be given. I need a little light.
I’m new to this forum and very new to this whole cancer thing (my mum just got diagnosed this week) so I don’t know what advice I can give as this is so new to me.
I do know that cancer can bring out so many emotions out of you though. Your brother has fought such a long battle so while he’s mad and frustrated, I’m sure it’s not intended to be directed at you. It sounds like you have been doing an amazing job and staying very strong for a long time. Unfortunately COVID makes this whole thing so much harder too. My father in law also had cancer and I remember feeling emotionally and physically drained during that time so I understand to some degree how you must be feeling. I’m sorry you and your family are going through this and I’m sorry if my words don’t bring much comfort. It sounds like you’ve been doing everything you can to support the family. Make sure you are kind to yourself. Cancer sucks
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