Christmas Countdown

[sammycat]

My first Christmas without my beautiful mum, my best friend. It's coming up to the Christmas Season. I enter this month with many mixed emotions. One minute im up and all is well and the next im down and sobbing all over the christmas presents I wrap and the cards I write. I decided not to trim up for christmas this year as this was something my mum and I did together. I would drag mum to David Jones every week starting from when the christmas stuff went out to start buying trimmings for the tree, I have that many now that I wonder how it stays up. I remember her saying I don't think you need anymore Julie and I would laugh and the next week we would be back buying more. I remember absolutely sweating cooking christmas turkey and making mince pies together. Mum would stay up all night to cook the turkey and still manage to go to work on christmas day. My how I admire her strength. Now i wonder what will Christmas day hold for me? I will be waking up in what was mine and mums home, alone on christmas morning. Ordinarily I would be so excited and we would sit together in my room or mums and exchange gifts and cuddles. We would then shoot off to her dads (my grandfathers) and exhange gifts there before I would drop her off to work. Nearly nine months since I saw her beautiful face and got to kiss her for one last time. I still ask why her? When does it get easier? Behind all this I manage to keep going but still fall in a heap at times. The only thing that keeps me going is my mums words before she passed, I love you more than the world and it will get easier in time as well as telling me over the 14 months, Please don't cry! Im afraid I haven't kept to the last part but try my best to make her proud all though at times I stumble I will always try and get back up and show the same strength that she showed through out her life.

[Jules2]

Hi sammycat I lost my father about 9 years ago on boxing day. Christmas has never really been the same since. Time does heal and will think of you this christmas and send you some strength to get through it. Dont forget to remember the good times you had together, even though they will be tinged with some sadness. :) Thinking of you. Julie

[grinzo59]

hi there, i just lost my husband to gallbladder cancer on friday and i am not sure how i am going to get through christmas let alone the funeral on wednesday, people say time will heal but i don't think i will ever be the same love janene

[grinzo59]

hi there, i just lost my husband to gallbladder cancer on friday and i am not sure how i am going to get through christmas let alone the funeral on wednesday, people say time will heal but i don't think i will ever be the same love janene

[grinzo59]

hi there, i just lost my husband to gallbladder cancer on friday and i am not sure how i am going to get through christmas let alone the funeral on wednesday, people say time will heal but i don't think i will ever be the same love janene

[grinzo59]

hi there, i just lost my husband to gallbladder cancer on friday and i am not sure how i am going to get through christmas let alone the funeral on wednesday, people say time will heal but i don't think i will ever be the same love janene

[Jules2]

hi there janene My heart goes out to you and i will send positive thoughts and energy to you for wednesday. hugsss julie

[sammycat]

Hi Janene My heartfelt sympathies to you and your family. Yes, life is never the same once our loved ones receive the diagnosis. I have many beautiful memories but I also have many memories that I wish I could forget. Maybe the good ones will push those away over time. You will find the strength to get through the funeral on Wednesday and the love and support from family and friends will also help you through. I remember mums funeral like it was yesterday. I didn't think I was going to be able to walk, my legs felt like jelly and I really didn't think I was going to make it through. I remember feeling like I was in a cloud of fog and remained feeling like this for a number of months. As I light my candles of rememberance this xmas for my late mother, my late grandmother who I also lost to cancer in 2001, my friend who lost her mother only two weeks ago and to all of those we have lost to Cancer I will say a prayer for you and wish you the strength you need to help you through. Sammycat

[sammycat]

Hi Julie Thanks for your kinds words. Yes time will heal but while it does coping with the pain and loss some days is unbearable. Today is one of those days that I can't wait for it to be over and wake up tomorrow with (hopefully) a bit more of a positive outlook on the day. Work has always been a good distraction as well as renovating unfortunately when you stop you are left alone with your thoughts and they always go back to the ones we love. Im sure I will make it through christmas day but am dreading waking up in the morning and not seeing her beautiful face and being able to hug her. I spend many days and nights wishing with all my heart that I could just see her face, hear her voice or feel her touch. She was and still is my world. They certainly take a big part of you with them that can never be filled. Sammycat

[Mrs_Elton]

Hi Sammycat Due to the events of the last week, with the diagnosis of my husband's secondary tumour on the brain, we had a session with a social worker last Thursday. She was very helpful and a really lovely person, reading your entries made me think of something she said to us that one of her 'clients' had done. They made a patchwork quilt out of their loved ones clothing items. It served two purposes, one it was something they could touch and hold and smell and secondly it could be wrapped around them, giving them both warmth and comfort. I am not sure if you have any of your Mum's clothes etc still, I seem to recall that you might, I hope if you do have some, then that might be something you could do to comfort yourself. Maybe if you didn't have any/many of her things, you could take some of your own clothes that were her favourites or that she had bought you and use them. The thought of cutting into them might not appeal, I just thought the blanket was a really nice thought. Sending you strength. Jill.