You sound like you have a very close relationship with your father as I did with my mother. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't give to have her back.
I realise now that nothing can prepare us for when we lose our loved ones. I lost my grandmother 8 weeks after her initial Cancer diagnosis. I was there with her when she passed and also with my mum.
Whether they are 60 yrs of age (my mums age when she passed) or 100 years of age, we always wish we had more time with them.
On reflection of the 14 months I spent caring for my mum I know she hated losing her independance and having to rely on myself and her father to do everything for her. Mum was always the one to put everyone elses needs before her own, she was a truly selfless lady. She used to get upset when she'd see me come home from work to go straight into the kitchen cook her dinner, feed her, shower her, give her meds and then see to myself. I know she wanted nothing more than to help me. I said to her if it were me in your position you would do the same for me wouldn't you? To which she replied, yes.
I can relate to alot of what you are saying. My mother had trouble eating most of the time, quite a few falls and each one was while I was with her. When they fall it certainly gives you a big scare. Mum fell one afternoon, I had bought a new car and we had just been our for a drive in it. She was so happy! She wanted to be independant so much that she took off from the car and when I rounded the corner of the house there she was on the floor. She was an absolute mess due to her skin being so thin. I just wanted to wrap her in cotton wool. It broke my heart.
I don't know how many times I joked with her that we should get in my car and run away. She was my everything.
Don't get me wrong there are many times and days I remember something about my mum and laugh to myself. I now find it alot easier to share stories of memories I have of her with people. Only since the new year have I started really getting into socialising again and going out with my friends. I do have more good days now. The key for me to getting through losing my mother was keeping busy all the time because if I sat around my mind would just keep thinking and thinking. I do still have problems with this at night.
Again that inner strength that we have comes through and pushes us along. As well as my mums voice in the back of my head telling me off for crying or sitting about dwelling on things. I hear her telling me to get on with things and what good is sitting there crying doing. When I find myself having a bad day I allow myself to have a cry but then I just have to pick myself up and push on. I personally don't think you get over losing your loved one but we do carry on with our lives and make the most of everyday.
The one thing I have found is that you don't go through what we are witnessing without coming through the other side and having an appreciation of the importance of each day, telling people we love them and spending time with those we love. It changes your perspective on things and for me it changed my perspective on people as well. I also realise what is really important to me now is not the same prior to my mums passing.
Sorry for the novel sized reply.
Take care of yourself Chris
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Thanks Craftyone. I definately need alot longer to grieve. I find I cant sit still since my mum passed and I still hate night times as my mind wont let me rest. I recently asked the question of my grandfather (my mums dad) does he think my sleep pattern will return to normal. He said he hopes so because his hasn't. Time will tell I guess. Thank god my employers are so good to me.
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It has now been a year since I lost my beautiful mum and life was never to be the same. Trying to move forward while hitting countless walls of emotion and pain. I thought I knew what pain was but then I lost my mum and I now know there is no pain like losing those we hold nearest and dearest to us.
Endless tears of happiness and love when I remember times we shared and then endless tears of pain for missing her beuatiful face, longing to hear her voice, feel her embrace to hear words of encouragement when I enter times of darkness. Endless tears for many questions that start with WHY...
I look back on the year that has past and know I have come so far but still feel I have such a long way to go.
Figuring out that you can feel so lonely in a room full of people.
I know I will keep going and living life but the days when you meet those walls are hard, I fall and most importantly I get back up.
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Wishing time would stand still just for a day, just to catch my breath, gather my thoughts.
I'm already wishing for 2011, having lost my mum in March 2009, a friend losing her mum to cancer in December 2009 where I attended my first funeral since the loss of my mother. Cancer again has reared it's head in 2010 in another friends life as it has for so many of us on this site.
Is it just me or does it seem that cancer is almost becoming as common as a cold/flu?
I log onto this site and read peoples entries and it just puts everything into perspective for me. Such strength, courage and determination. So many truly inspirational/heroic people are out there in the world battling through. Juggling the everyday tasks of work, cooking, cleaning, running children here and there all while battling cancer or caring for those we love. Life is just so prescious but it goes by so quick while we juggle our lives daily demands. Again I say, wouldn't it be nice for time to stand still for us to catch up?
The end of my vent...
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Hi Sir Nicketty Nox
I can relate to what you are going through and my heart goes out to you.
My mothers cancer metastasised to her brain and we were told that surgery may have been an option as the tumour was in a position where it might be removable. We made the appointment after some seizures and I had a blow up at the doctors when mum was in hospital only to see the nurosurgeon and be told unless it got as big as an orange they wouldn't touch it. He smiled at us shook our hands and we were on our way. I wanted to jump across the desk and smack him out. How dare he smile at us and send us on our way.
I again encountered the same feelings when we were told she could have no further treatment as there was nothing more that they could do. My mum was prepared to have the treatment/any treatment.
It breaks your heart and you would do anything to help them, ease there suffering.
I send you both my prayers and big hugs.
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Thanks for your kinds words.
Yes time will heal but while it does coping with the pain and loss some days is unbearable. Today is one of those days that I can't wait for it to be over and wake up tomorrow with (hopefully) a bit more of a positive outlook on the day. Work has always been a good distraction as well as renovating unfortunately when you stop you are left alone with your thoughts and they always go back to the ones we love.
Im sure I will make it through christmas day but am dreading waking up in the morning and not seeing her beautiful face and being able to hug her. I spend many days and nights wishing with all my heart that I could just see her face, hear her voice or feel her touch. She was and still is my world. They certainly take a big part of you with them that can never be filled.
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My heartfelt sympathies to you and your family.
Yes, life is never the same once our loved ones receive the diagnosis. I have many beautiful memories but I also have many memories that I wish I could forget. Maybe the good ones will push those away over time.
You will find the strength to get through the funeral on Wednesday and the love and support from family and friends will also help you through.
I remember mums funeral like it was yesterday. I didn't think I was going to be able to walk, my legs felt like jelly and I really didn't think I was going to make it through. I remember feeling like I was in a cloud of fog and remained feeling like this for a number of months.
As I light my candles of rememberance this xmas for my late mother, my late grandmother who I also lost to cancer in 2001, my friend who lost her mother only two weeks ago and to all of those we have lost to Cancer I will say a prayer for you and wish you the strength you need to help you through.
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My first Christmas without my beautiful mum, my best friend.
It's coming up to the Christmas Season. I enter this month with many mixed emotions. One minute im up and all is well and the next im down and sobbing all over the christmas presents I wrap and the cards I write.
I decided not to trim up for christmas this year as this was something my mum and I did together. I would drag mum to David Jones every week starting from when the christmas stuff went out to start buying trimmings for the tree, I have that many now that I wonder how it stays up. I remember her saying I don't think you need anymore Julie and I would laugh and the next week we would be back buying more.
I remember absolutely sweating cooking christmas turkey and making mince pies together. Mum would stay up all night to cook the turkey and still manage to go to work on christmas day. My how I admire her strength.
Now i wonder what will Christmas day hold for me? I will be waking up in what was mine and mums home, alone on christmas morning. Ordinarily I would be so excited and we would sit together in my room or mums and exchange gifts and cuddles. We would then shoot off to her dads (my grandfathers) and exhange gifts there before I would drop her off to work.
Nearly nine months since I saw her beautiful face and got to kiss her for one last time.
I still ask why her? When does it get easier?
Behind all this I manage to keep going but still fall in a heap at times. The only thing that keeps me going is my mums words before she passed, I love you more than the world and it will get easier in time as well as telling me over the 14 months, Please don't cry! Im afraid I haven't kept to the last part but try my best to make her proud all though at times I stumble I will always try and get back up and show the same strength that she showed through out her life.
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It's coming up to what is supposed to be a Merry Xmas however this will be my first one since the loss of my mother earlier in the year.
I've just had a week off work to do xmas shopping and spend some time with my grandfather as we are both struggling leading up to the festivities of xmas. I have managed to just about complete my xmas shopping of which I wasn't originally going to do but thought my mum would not be happy with me for not going forward with everything as if she were here. I have even managed to write all my xmas cards out as well which isn't bad considering I cried with nearly every card I wrote and also with every present I wrapped. I did put my mums name on the presents and cards as just couldn't bear to see my name alone on everything.
The only thing I won't be doing this year is putting up the christmas tree and decorations as this was something mum and I did together.
My next hurdle will be making it through xmas day.
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Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.