I have printed this out and will read this to remind me that the sun will shine through even on the darkest days. Thanks for posting this. ... View more

Hi Chris You sound like you have a very close relationship with your father as I did with my mother. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't give to have her back. I realise now that nothing can prepare us for when we lose our loved ones. I lost my grandmother 8 weeks after her initial Cancer diagnosis. I was there with her when she passed and also with my mum. Whether they are 60 yrs of age (my mums age when she passed) or 100 years of age, we always wish we had more time with them. On reflection of the 14 months I spent caring for my mum I know she hated losing her independance and having to rely on myself and her father to do everything for her. Mum was always the one to put everyone elses needs before her own, she was a truly selfless lady. She used to get upset when she'd see me come home from work to go straight into the kitchen cook her dinner, feed her, shower her, give her meds and then see to myself. I know she wanted nothing more than to help me. I said to her if it were me in your position you would do the same for me wouldn't you? To which she replied, yes. I can relate to alot of what you are saying. My mother had trouble eating most of the time, quite a few falls and each one was while I was with her. When they fall it certainly gives you a big scare. Mum fell one afternoon, I had bought a new car and we had just been our for a drive in it. She was so happy! She wanted to be independant so much that she took off from the car and when I rounded the corner of the house there she was on the floor. She was an absolute mess due to her skin being so thin. I just wanted to wrap her in cotton wool. It broke my heart. I don't know how many times I joked with her that we should get in my car and run away. She was my everything. Don't get me wrong there are many times and days I remember something about my mum and laugh to myself. I now find it alot easier to share stories of memories I have of her with people. Only since the new year have I started really getting into socialising again and going out with my friends. I do have more good days now. The key for me to getting through losing my mother was keeping busy all the time because if I sat around my mind would just keep thinking and thinking. I do still have problems with this at night. Again that inner strength that we have comes through and pushes us along. As well as my mums voice in the back of my head telling me off for crying or sitting about dwelling on things. I hear her telling me to get on with things and what good is sitting there crying doing. When I find myself having a bad day I allow myself to have a cry but then I just have to pick myself up and push on. I personally don't think you get over losing your loved one but we do carry on with our lives and make the most of everyday. The one thing I have found is that you don't go through what we are witnessing without coming through the other side and having an appreciation of the importance of each day, telling people we love them and spending time with those we love. It changes your perspective on things and for me it changed my perspective on people as well. I also realise what is really important to me now is not the same prior to my mums passing. Sorry for the novel sized reply. Take care of yourself Chris ... View more

Thanks Craftyone. I definately need alot longer to grieve. I find I cant sit still since my mum passed and I still hate night times as my mind wont let me rest. I recently asked the question of my grandfather (my mums dad) does he think my sleep pattern will return to normal. He said he hopes so because his hasn't. Time will tell I guess. Thank god my employers are so good to me. ... View more

Hi Sir Nicketty Nox I can relate to what you are going through and my heart goes out to you. My mothers cancer metastasised to her brain and we were told that surgery may have been an option as the tumour was in a position where it might be removable. We made the appointment after some seizures and I had a blow up at the doctors when mum was in hospital only to see the nurosurgeon and be told unless it got as big as an orange they wouldn't touch it. He smiled at us shook our hands and we were on our way. I wanted to jump across the desk and smack him out. How dare he smile at us and send us on our way. I again encountered the same feelings when we were told she could have no further treatment as there was nothing more that they could do. My mum was prepared to have the treatment/any treatment. It breaks your heart and you would do anything to help them, ease there suffering. I send you both my prayers and big hugs. Sammycat ... View more

Hi Julie Thanks for your kinds words. Yes time will heal but while it does coping with the pain and loss some days is unbearable. Today is one of those days that I can't wait for it to be over and wake up tomorrow with (hopefully) a bit more of a positive outlook on the day. Work has always been a good distraction as well as renovating unfortunately when you stop you are left alone with your thoughts and they always go back to the ones we love. Im sure I will make it through christmas day but am dreading waking up in the morning and not seeing her beautiful face and being able to hug her. I spend many days and nights wishing with all my heart that I could just see her face, hear her voice or feel her touch. She was and still is my world. They certainly take a big part of you with them that can never be filled. Sammycat ... View more

Hi Janene My heartfelt sympathies to you and your family. Yes, life is never the same once our loved ones receive the diagnosis. I have many beautiful memories but I also have many memories that I wish I could forget. Maybe the good ones will push those away over time. You will find the strength to get through the funeral on Wednesday and the love and support from family and friends will also help you through. I remember mums funeral like it was yesterday. I didn't think I was going to be able to walk, my legs felt like jelly and I really didn't think I was going to make it through. I remember feeling like I was in a cloud of fog and remained feeling like this for a number of months. As I light my candles of rememberance this xmas for my late mother, my late grandmother who I also lost to cancer in 2001, my friend who lost her mother only two weeks ago and to all of those we have lost to Cancer I will say a prayer for you and wish you the strength you need to help you through. Sammycat ... View more