I lost my mum 8 years ago, and to this day I miss her. Sge was my best friend, and many times did I go to her for her opinion on how to tackle my boy's ADHD. I miss her strong shoulder on which I would cry when time were difficult. I still cry on special dates and also out of the blue. The pain does not really go away, but it does get easier. It is good to cry, as it releases tension, so in that respect she is still with me supporting me, and I am grateful for it. S ... View more

Hi PS. Thank you SO SO much for your kind words and advice. I know now that there are people out there who are or have been through what I'm going through now and I feel for you all so much. I just pray that God gives me the strength to get through this (even today my son had a car accident!!) and at the moment I don't know how much more I can take but I do know I have to support my dad and he is so positive although I know he is only being like that for me and I love him so much. Thank you all for your kind words xo Chris ... View more

Mihalo Ur amazing Alana ... View more

Hi Mick I'm truly sorry your mum had such a difficult time in hospital. Unfortunately, I've had a lot of lengthy hospital stays over the past 3.9 years due to this horrendous disease and its aftermath. Over this time I can definitely relate to insensivite and inexperienced people in the health services. I've also had a lot of wonderful helpful people who have treated me as a 'whole person' not only a 'disease'. They've been the ones who have helped me try and improve my quality of life issues. It's only natural to dwell on the ifs, buts and maybes, we wouldn't be human if we didn't. Sometimes we can get so bitter and angry about what happened to ourselves or someone we love, it emotionally drains us and we get caught up spending all our time going round and round in circles, instead of moving forward and putting our energy into other things. I know it's easier said than done. I've done exactly that myself for many months and still occasionaly now. I hate to think how much time and how many headaches..... or migraines I've had from going over and over things a doctor should have done, things a doctor shouldn't of done etc early in my treatments. It blows my mind, we can't change things. We only need to have met one incompetent person during our hospital experience and that experience can scar us very deeply for such a long time. They destroy our faith in the medical doctors and system, especially when the result has been a tragic one, like your mums. I'm not sure what State you live in but if you change your mind and decide you want to express your concerns regarding your mums experience you can contact the Health SErvices Commission. They're there to listen and look into any problems within the health service, public and private. Take care Karen ... View more

Hey Sammycat, Good for you, it shows real courage and determination to do something like write in christmas cards when it is so deeply painful for you. I have written a christmas letter each year since our sons were born, but haven't started this years letter yet. I just don't know how to start it and how much I want to say about Greg's cancer. Most of the people I send it to will know about the diagnosis, but some we haven't heard from since we told them. I feel like cutting them from the list this year. There are some people who we only communicate with at christmas and I'm not sure whether I should do something separate or what. It's all too hard. I hope that you and your grandfather can find a special way of remembering and honouring your Mum at christmas. Perhaps you can start a new 'tradition' with him. Whatever you do, be extra kind to yourselves, it is going to be so different and difficult this first time without her. My thoughts are with you. Jill. ... View more

Without the distractions you have during the day, your mind wanders; and it's not always so easy to look at the positives. Ive found nights particularly hard as well. I tend to watch TV until I'm really sleepy, then turn it off. You need something to think about, other than everything that's wrong, and often some random, trivial drama is good for that =). ... View more

Hi to Artemas, My mother has also been diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma in December. We have heard all sorts of time frames from 6 months to 3 years - any "time frame" is hard to hear isn't it. We don't like to think about an expiry date for our loved ones. I lost my father 17yrs ago to bladder cancer and it went pretty quickly unfortunately. Mum's tumour is very high in the bile duct and cannot be operated on due to it's location. It's frustrating that it is such a rare cancer - not much support out there for it is there? My mum survived breast cancer in 1996 and again 2002. She is 76 and an amazingly strong and positive woman (I wish I was more like her). She is very practical in her outlook about cancer where as I'm devastated. I try and hide that from her, but sometimes the tears just flow. I love my mum and I always thought she'd live to 100 because she is so fit and well compared to most her age and such a "go get them" attitude and a survivor - do whatever it takes. This latest has come as quite a shock. To be told there is no treatment is a real blow. She has had 4 ERCP procedures - 1 was balooning, 2nd a plastic stent - got an infection, 3rd a replacement plastic stent - another bad infection, and now as of Feb she has a double metal stent in place and touch wood she is going amazingly well. After terrible pain and discomfort for a week afterwards, she has much more energy and feels more like herself and amazingly her bilirubens are back to normal. The main problem at the moment are her bowels - trouble getting them regular. From one extreme to the other but at the moment difficult - therefore she takes Coloxyl Senna in varying doses. She is on a low fat diet with no red meat. The doctors said eat whatever she want, but you wonder if they say that because she only has limited time. We have slowly been introducing a bit more fat into her diet and she has put on a bit of weight again. Sustagen drinks in between meals have helped. She only has 1 rest a day now instead of 2. We hope she will be like her sister and prove the doctors wrong - she was given 2 years and went 4 years. The main trouble for mum is when (and the do say when not if) the stents block up - her 2 stents are extremely high up in the bile duct and difficult to reach, therefore difficult to re-stent when the time comes. I have moved countries to live-in with her and help care for her. I don't have any children, therefore easy for me to move. But I feel like I've put my life on hold and the emotions attached to that are up and down. I'm really enjoying spending time with her now she's feeling so much better, I thought I'd lost her already back in January - with such bad infections and her not being herself - it was hard to watch. If I can get some quality time with her now will be great, but I feel like we are watching a clock that is going way too fast. They have said chemo is only palliative in mums case and we see oncologist again in May. Wow, I've really waffled on - if nothing else, this has been a good release for me. I don't blame anyone if they don't read this - far too many words.... S ... View more