Dad is terminally ill needing advice

[Phoebe]

Hi there, 

My dad was first diagnosed with bowel cancer three years ago, he has been through several surgeries, rounds of chemo and radiotherapy during that time. In April this year he was looking and feeling the best he had in a long time and after several times where we thought we might lose him, we finally felt confident that he had beat it. Unfortunately during what we were told would be his last scans for sometime, tumours were found in his liver and chest cavity and we were told that the cancer would now take his life and was inoperable due to where they were. Back on the merry go round of scans, hospital etc etc and we were told he would live 12 months at best. Now 6 months on he is declining quickly, lots and lots of pain, tumours in his spine, naseau and now trouble breathing. He is at home with my mum caring for him. I am not coping well, seeing them both suffer and also not having them to help me through such a tough time. I am overwhelmed with grief often, heartbroken and disillusioned. Any advice on how to cope ? Thankyou.

[little_stitcher]

Hi Phoebe, I don't have any advice, I just wanted to give you a big cyber hug.  I'm glad you found this forum, it's a great place to connect with people in similar situations.  love Emily

[Phoebe]

Hi Emily, 

Thankyou so much. Yes sometimes just getting the story out is helpful in itself. Thankyou for your kind words. 

Phoebe. 

[Lucinda91]

Hi Phoebe

I really related to much of what was in your post. Especially about the dual difficulty of worrying about your parents, watching them suffer and simultaneously needing their support through such an awful time. No matter how old we get, we still need our parents for some things and it's really challenging when they're not in a position to provide that support.

I just wanted to ask how you were going and if you had managed to find someone to turn to? I am here because my psychologist recently suggested I try and find people experiencing the same things to talk to. As much as friends can be kind and supportive, it's not always enough when they don't fully understand the complexities and emotions of living with a parent who is dying of cancer.

So thank you for posting what you did, it really connected with me and it took a lot of bravery and honesty to admit to feeling so overwhelmed.

Keep holding on. You're not alone.

[Phoebe]

Hi Lucinda, 

Thanks so much for your message, it really is helpful to speak with people going through a similar situation, as you just cannot know what it is like until you are in it. Very sadly we lost dad not long after your post, so things have been much, much harder. But yes i have connected with a social worker who was on dads palliative care team, who i am going to continue to see for some grief counselling. Happy to keep in touch if you like too, sending strength and support. 

Phoebe.