This is going to require some backstory.
I'm 25, my grandma was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a few years ago, just over 12 months ago we've found it's spread to her lymph system and was a slow growing tumour that treatment wouldn't help.
Those 12 month have been the worst imaginable, the few years before weren't crash hot either. In the last 12 months since the sentence. We've endured multiple visits to hospital for lung drains (due to the lymph system) then 1 week in hospital for pluerodesis on each lung (a painfull procedure to stick the lungs together with a talc). Then a minor stroke.
Most recently, she had a lot of trouble breathing for a few days and happens to be the stubborn type. One night after a lot of convincing I took her to emergency. Her oxygen levels were critical when we arrived. The shortness of breath was from pneumonia, due to the pleurodesis and lung issues this is a big problem.
During a few nights in ICU she underwent a CT scan which caused her a lot of distress and nobody took note of the fact she was in discomfort for about an hour. The next morning we found out her heart had suffered an episode overnight, possibly due to the ct scan distress.
Whilst she was in hospital we were robbed, all of the family heirloom jewellery were stolen including my grandma and great grandmas wedding rings stolen. She had just handed these down to me and I was so proud to have them. My heart broke when I found them gone.
I have recently stopped working to care for this amazing lady full time. I struggle to cope everyday, I know my grandma wouldn't want me to be sad but I feel like I can't live my life without her. I don't have anybody else close to me, I've turned to her for advice and affection since I was a kid. Nobody I know understands what I'm going through and it's difficult to explain how I feel.
I had some tests and scans and something was found to be an issue in one of my ovaries, I now have to wait a few weeks for another scan to get an idea of what it might be. I can't tell my grandma because she's only got a few weeks, If that, left and I want her to be happy before she goes. I feel very alone, even when I'm surrounded by people.
I'm so sorry you feel so alone. I'm glad you found this forum though- there are people here who can understand a bit about what you're going through, and it's available 24 hours a day. I came to this forum because my husband was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma (he came through ok.) Sending you big hugs. love Emily
First of all, I'm so sorry that your going through this. A lot of people don't know how to deal with cancer, so they keep their distance(well in my case they are) its such an alienating disease. But you do have people out there that are there for you. I reckon spend time with your grandma sharing old stories or even looking at old photos. Spend time with her because she loves you. You sound like a really strong person that's been dealt some pretty crappy cards. But being on here and talking about it is a great way to release.
I really wish you and your grandma warm wishes xx