Hello, Thank you in advance for taking your time to read my post. My name is Andrea, I'm 20 years of age. I'm from the south coast of Ireland. I found that I felt comfortable to talk about my problem here, I hope someone could help me. My 2 year relationship with my boyfriend Dave has always been a tough one. He is a Soldier and lives in the east of Ireland so we are going through a long distant relationship. Only in the past week he has been so distant with me, after a string of arguements, mainly caused by me, because I was really worried about him; He gets very angry, breaks up with me and tell me that his mother has cancer. He was saying was I happy that i found out what was wrong? Why didn't I just leave it go? That it was none of my business... But I'm not happy that Fran has cancer and it is my business because I'm mad about his mom. I'm confused as to why he was so angry with me, and only me. He got on perfectly with his other friends. And why did he have to hide everything? So after he hung up the phone, I didn't know what to do. I felt horrible for pushing him to tell me what was wrong but hurt that he didn't want to tell me. After a few hours I text him saying, that I'll be there for him as a friend. That he didn't have to take his anger out on me, and I was going to be there for him because I love him. He replied, that bad things never happen to him but to other people and his mother has cancer and that is that, he didn't want to talk about it. Now he has gone back into himself. I'm afraid to ask questions about his moms cancer in case I hurt him or he might hurt me. This is not the first time a close person to me has had cancer. I nearly lost my uncle to prostate Cancer but he is getting on brilliant now. I just feel helpless on how to help him cos he doesn't want to talk. I will be so greatful if anyone had advice for me. Thanks again for reading my post. Andrea
Hi Andrea, I'm sorry he is hurting you. Sometimes the old saying "we always hurt the ones we love" really does ring true. He is probably venting all his anger, sadness, feelings of being helpless for his mum, fear of the unknown with her diagnosis etc all on you because he deep down knows that you will in the long run, be there to catch him when he falls, and forgive him. I hope he finds it within himself soon to start treating you a little better, but for now I'd say he needs some "time out" and space. Txt every now and then to let him know you are there,, that you care and are there to listen. He will come around. But it will also be an up and down rollercoaster ride along the way, so don't expect him not to vent on you again. Lots of love and Luck. Mihalo
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.