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Help

Hi! My mum has been diagnosed with endometrial cancer. She started radio and now we experience fatigue, crying,disappointment and she doesn t want to continue doing the things she did. She stays in bed, we talked about it, she is aware of the fact that she must do her treatment, I keep telling her we will do all we need to do, but I don t know what to say anymore, I dont know how to cope with these states. She has always been a strong woman, she did everything at home,she liked cooking, crochet,etc. Now, apart from the fact that she lost her appetite, she doesn t want to go out, she stays there and watches TV every day. I know she s tired, I now the therapy gives her these states,but please tell me what to say and do
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Regular Contributor

Re: Help

Hi Alina, one of the most difficult things about caring for someone with cancer is having to be a passenger. Unfortunately there is nothing you can say or do to get your Mum to do what she doesn't want to do. She may just need time to adjust to what has gone on. I was fortunate that my husband coped with his chemotherapy very well, so I can't imagine what you must be going through, but I do understand the powerlessness and fear that comes from your situation. I think the best thing you can do is let your Mum know you want to help her in any way you can, and then let her come to you if she wants you to do anything. In the meantime, make sure you're taking care of yourself as well- you need to be in good condition to be able to help your Mum. It may also be worthwhile talking to a Counsellor about your concerns- see if they can think of any ways to help. Sending love and hugs, Emily
Occasional Contributor

Re: Help

Hi Alina, I am going through the same difficulty with my grandmother, however she hasn't undergone any treatment. She is a lot older than your Mum, she experiences fatigue doesn't want to continue doing the things she did (e.g. reading, crochet, her odd jobs around the house, writing letters etc.). She also stays in bed a lot more than she has in the past month, despite being almost 92 she was always up at 6am and would be busy until the evening when she went to bed. It sounds like you are doing all that you can, you are talking to her and supporting her, but I empathise that with not knowing what to say or how to cope with these states. It would be so hard and heartbreaking to see your Mum, a strong woman, loosing her enthusiasm and energy. As Emily said above your Mum may need to adjust and cope with everything the best/only way she knows how. I know how hard it is to see her so tired and lacking interest, I am also wondering what it is like for you? How do you feel about it and cope? I ask these questions because I know that I am struggling and not coping as well, which makes me feel frustrated and worried.
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Re: Help

Your poor mum. You sound like a wonderful daughter. It sounds like a combination of fatigue from the treatment and depression. Would she consider seeing a psychologist? The hospital should be able to arrange one.

 

It sounds like you're already encouraging her to do the things she once enjoyed. Don't nag her, but gently keep at it. Make it easy by bringing things to her.

 

If she's always looked after everyone else, she may feel like she has no role now she is the one who has to be looked after. Remind her that you're paying her back for all the amazing things she did for you. And perhaps give her tasks to help her feel useful again. For example, if she liked to knit before, start knitting something yourself and ask for her help. Ask her if she'll write down your favourite recipes, and then make them for her. Ask for her advice on problems in your life. She may need to be reminded she's still an important part of the family. 

Re: Help

Sorry to hear after your Mum

was diagnosed with Endometrrial Cancer she has lost the will to continue with experiences she had enjoyed before 

 

pretty normal needs to find change I can't help with that as I too experienced life being different wasn't engaging in the same Lukes as before,

bit that's ok 

we change the experience had changed us 

why??????

nobody has the answer I am just going to say 

don't hassle her 

it's not your life to do that 

I don't mean to be harsh 

but you will never know how she really feels 

how she has changed 

I have changed I wish i didn't but why ????

because change is the hardest thing to accept 

I now can't walk no gait at all

morw change ..... adapting to this new experience has been the hardest to me,

we are all different 

give your Mum Space this is her journey 

I can't explain it to you any other way 

be a great daughter as you sound to be 

however don't find a happy place for your Mum

ad that you can't do .....

i wisj her well 

I hope she finds her place 

her soace

 

 

 

 

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New Contributor

Re: Help

Hi Alina,

 

I am am very sorry to hear about your Mum.  I too am struggling with what help I can provide my dearly loved Mum. She has stage 4 kidney cancer which has spread to her lungs, liver and lymph nodes - she is 70 years old. I just want yo to know your not alone please reach out if you would like to chat further.

 

Andrea 

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