Hi Im New

[emma2]

Hi i have a beautiful mother in law who has recently been diagnosed with bowel, liver, bone and lung cancer 7 weeks ago, she has had one session of chemo but unfortunately it has left her severely effected, she has been placed in pallative care and has since developed a chesty cough and looks like remaining their until the end. The hardest think i am finding is i want to ask and tell her so many things but she is from the school where they dont talk about their emotions and i am finding this so hard, she doesnt want to go outside in the sunshine and not the sort to hold a hand or huge on hugs how can you let her know we are thankful to her and how much she is loved she seems to have distanced herself from us and become like she has put a guard up.Ive taken flowers, organised what i can, but they are only material not emotional things. I am finding it hard every day i get up my mind is on a constant radio station and feeling anxious and dont seem to be able to sit still any suggestions would be greatlly appreciated. thankyou

[kj]

emma2 Have you thought about contacting a councellor they may be able to suggest strategies for coping and dealing with what is going on in your life with your mother inlaws illness and may be some comfort and help to you both kj

[emma2]

Thanks KJ, I did try a session with a councillor last night, he suggested slow breathing technique, and a few topics to bring up, the slow breathing is helping some what, bu its the constant mind chatter that is getting to me, maybe a few more sessions, thanks for your input. Take Care

[kj]

emma2 I can relate to not being able to switch the mind off as my wife had the same problem she has seen a counselor and needed medication as well sounds like you are on the right track good luck with it all kj

[Betsy]

emma2 My heart goes out to you - have you thought about writing her a letter? Put down all the things that you want to say to her, put it in an envelope and then give it her and tell her she can open it if and when she wants. That way she might choose to open it in private. She might not feel comfortable to be emotional in front of you, but this way you could say what you need to and she can look at it in the way she needs to. I know how you are feeling in your mind - for so long now I have craved some peace and stillness in my head - you know it might be that way for her as well. Write her a letter - even if she doesn't read it, you will at least feel that you have gotten these things out and given it over to her - I wish you all the best for some peace

[emma2]

thanks KJ for your kind words, i decided to book myself a few more sessions and recently just increased a med slightly, trying to keep busy and keep focused, i hope it helps with your wife as well.

[emma2]

Hi Betsy thanks for your reply, Thats a great idea, i never thought about putting my feelings down in a letter to her, i have always wanted to tell her how much she meant to me but always found it awkward to express these feelings as she was from the old school where she didnt show feelings or express them, and she has control over whether she wants to read it or not and i can tell her how i feel, ive just got to pluck up the courage now to give it to her, working on it! Thanks heaps Denise

[Jules2]

Emma It is hard when someone wants a situation to be a certain way. In some ways I can relate to the way your mother is thinking and behaving as that happened to me during my recovery. IT is a bit of a self protection thing. You might find keeping a journal helpful as a way to still express yourself in your way, of course I know that doesn't help your physical need. Oh and now I read someone has already suggested the letter writing. IT is a great way to still be able to express oneself. Julie