Hiding my feelings

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Hiding my feelings

I thought talking about how I am feeling here might help me cope with my partner's cancer.

About 10yrs ago I lost my Mum to cancer after she put up a good fight & following her my father to COPD.

Late last year we found out that my partner has stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to his brain.

I am devistated but I try to be positive & strong for everone else especially my partner.

When I am by myself I quite often just break down & cry.

I find myself pushing away my friends and family (is family too) because they ask how we are doing. I don't want to lose it in front of anyone as they all look to me for strength.

I'm finding it really hard to do my job & get everyday stuff done.

How does everyone cope?


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Re: Hiding my feelings

I found it really hard to cope when my husband was going through chemotherapy too (7 years ago).  One of the things I learned is that being strong doesn't mean you don't cry and grieve, it just means you keep going despite your grief and tears. If you try to suppress it, it will just come back to hit you later (probably at a really bad time). I think partners of people with cancer are in a really bad position, because the person they normally lean on for support is the one with the cancer.  That means we have to be really intentional about seeking out support, because it's not necessarily already there.  I'm really glad you found this forum!  Do feel free to vent here, that's what it's for.  It might help too if you find someone you can vent to in person (because much as we would like to, people on this forum can't hug each other Smiley Happy )  Is there someone you can talk to who is outside your immediate family?  They can be the one to look after your welfare, so you can look after everyone else.  If not, the Cancer Council may be able to link you into a support service.  Think of it this way: you'd get your car serviced before driving from Sydney to Perth-that doesn't mean the car is weak, but that it's about to go through a lot.  Your wellbeing is no different. 


The Cancer Council or your husband's health care people may also be able to point you towards some practical resources that will help too, for all the day-to-day stuff. 


I hope this helps.  Keep in touch!  love and cyber hugs, Emily


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