Husband with pancreatic cancer and complex mental illness

[Anonymous]

My husband was already battle weary from fighting his mental health issues was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last month.  He has had a Whipple operation and will undergo chemo/ radiotherapy in due course.

Doctors are optimistic about his prognosis. 

It would be appreciated if anyone would be so kind as to pass on  any tips in relation to caring for a partner with both cancer and mental health issues.

[MyheroCoolSpy]

Hello. I admire you for staying strong for your husband. I can't imagine how difficult it is for your husband and for you as well. For his mental health condition, are you able to do regular consultation or therapy with a psychiatrist? I think they will be the able to help you go through this situation.

[Anonymous]

Thank you @MyheroCoolSpy 

We do have regular contact with my husband's psychiatrist. Additionally the surgical team liaised with him during the course of hubby's hospital stay as there were practical aspects in relation to his psych meds around the surgery that needed attention.

[Patches]

My heart goes out to you Darcy as my husband suffered mental health issues which was linked to his pancreatic cancer.

Heartless as this might sound but you need to take care of yourself first, especially when he is in hospital. When he is in hospital and starts to get angry and verbally mistreat you, you need to explain to him you are not going to stay there if that is how he is going to treat you and just walk out. Walk out and leave him in the room. Talk to his nurse on your way out about what has happened can be good for nurses to try to help. You need to take care of your mental and physical health which might mean you might decide not to visit him in hospital each day.

In our town the Palliative care team have a psychologist who assists patients and their families. If this is provided in your area this may be able to assist your husband but also yourself.

My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in mid October last year. The mixture of emotions caused by trying to come to terms with the diagnosis, the impact of chemo on his body, the impact of him being an inpatient in oncology ward due to chemo side effects and related infections played heavily on his mind and he has suffered with mental health issues from not long after diagnosis onwards which gradually got worse. As the months progressed I found, for my mental health, I had to make time for me and also walk out of his hospital room on many occasions.

My husband is now in last days but his passing is not being easy on him.

[Anonymous]

Thank you @Patches 

Difficult and emotional times. Living grief.  I can only imagine the feelings you would be experiencing, sending gentle thoughts your way.

I have found that when things are acute that self care does tend to suffer and I have to be quite intentional about it when things become stressful.  Have noticed I have started comfort eating since hubby's diagnosis ... yikes ...will need to put the brakes on that 😵.  I am however keeping my sense of humour honed and have found that when I am prepared to make myself accountable to someone in relation to self care (and personal growth in general) that I do much better. Having moved  interstate less than a year ago I have an interim phone counselor and am in the process of accessing local support.