LEEki1,  my Christmas was very different.  most Christmas Days since I met my husband were spent with my father-in-law at the home of my husband's sister.  This year I got to spend some time with some relatives, cousins on my maternal side, for few hours in the evening.  I have no idea the actual reason why but my husbands eldest son who I became quite close to no longer has anything to do with me..... whether he is not copying with his dad's death or whether it is something else I don't know.   I do agree with you with having furry family around following the death of a loved one.  my profile photo is my 2 - they are siblings and were 9mths old recently.  Sunny is white with ginger patches whilst his sister Luna is black and white tortie.  He is very affectionate and smoochy plus loves to talk whereas she talks in a little chirpy voice and has a very lour purr.  they both love curling up near my knees when I have my feet on the ottoman.   Some days I feel fine and actually feel happy within myself whereas other days things get too much and I emotionally crumple.  I planning on putting together a photo album with various photos of my husband, his sons from his first marriage and his grandchildren.  I am hoping to have a symbol from one of his rings made into a charm that I can wear on a necklace. ... View more

Hi Traci-Renee, sorry for not replying sooner.  just when I thought life was on the road to healing and finding how to live again my world got turned upside down.   due to unexpected unpleasantness from my late husbands only sibling I moved out of my father-in-laws home, where we had been staying since Jan 2020, and returned to my home.  my late husbands birthday and mine are two days apart, 24 and 26 May.  I was on leave from work over those days and spent both days on my own packing and moving my items back home.  since my late husbands funeral I have seen my eldest step son 3 times, the last time was for less than 45mins.  he literally came to my home to collect items that his dad had said he wanted him to have. I adopted 2 rescued kittens in July and they are the main thing that keeps me going each day.  First few months back at home life was surreal.  about 4 to 6 weeks prior to Christmas I feel like I have started grieving.  feel so alone ...... feel like I have lost my self confidence.  some days I have no energy or interest to do anything.  to try to give myself some thing to do, I have recently potted up some small raised garden beds but have no interest to pot up the rest of the ones I have bought.  some days even the smallest thing has been feeling scared and all the 'what if' scenarios run through my mind. I have spoken to a counsellor who has explained these are all normal feeling and reactions but knowing that doesn't stop my tears      ... View more

so sorry to hear about your loss and I understand that horrid lost and alone feelings.   my husband passed away at home 6months after being diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  we had only been a couple of 8 years when he passed away but he was my constant companion and we had built a life together.  he decided to have chemo which caused him lots of side effects and infections which saw him being in and out of hospital for the last 6 months of his life.  Longest time he was home was the last 6 to 8 weeks of his life during which he had no chemo.  I took leave from work for the majority of that 6months.  my husband almost died in hospital on evening of 2 Jan 2020 due to massive infection due to cellulitis.  I didn't cope with hearing that news and we started living with my father-in-law and continued living there until the death of my husband.  I have my own home which I purchased before meeting my husband and, under unpleasant circumstances caused by my husbands sister, I moved back home about 2 weeks after my husband died.  my husband used to get angry with me when he was in hospital and would tell me he didn't want to see me, I realise now he was trying to prepare me for after he had gone.  I cried lots of tears during his last few months as I was grieving already.   After moving back to my home life felt sureal.  about 6 weeks after coming back home I adopted 2 rescued kittens as I needed company and some one to love and share my life with. About 6 weeks prior to Christmas things started to change and I found myself in tears on a regular basis and feeling so alone.  some mornings when I wake now part of me looks for my husband and I burst into tears knowing he is no longer with me. ... View more

Is interesting you used the words in out hears ..... song I had at his funeral as my tribute to my husband was ‘Two of us’ by band Birds of Toyko’ which talks about carrying him in my heart ... View more

I have some cousins my town who I am close to. My late husbands eldest son and I clicked on the first day we met which was approx 7 years ago. His same son and I have always been good friends but this relationship has changed for the positive. Day before my husband passed away his son and I were talking on the phone with speaker on. During the conversation I told him that he is not just his boy, that he is my son also. When my husband heard what his son said in reply he uncurled one finger and briefly raised his hand showing us he was happy ..... the reply ‘I love you mum’. In that brief moment I became an instant mum of a 41 yo amazing young man. My son and his partner live approx 2.5 to 3 hr drive away but will do everything and anything for me. ... View more

My husband passed away on 24 April just after 3:30pm with his family near him just as he wanted. His battles are finished and he is finally at peace. Paul has found peace and so have we his family ... View more

Due to my father-in-law living on his own on one side of outer town and us on the other side ( approx 30 to 40minute drive between the houses) we made decision end of last year to move in with my father-in-laws approx Easter this year.  Due to my husband almost dying in early January due to severe cellulitis and 2 other infections we made decision to start to move in January.  My father-in-law in law is almost 90 and has obvious signs of Dementia.  His house is in small quiet court with neighbors that have lived here for years and help each other but also keep to themselves unless needed.  Due to coronavirus and caring for both my husband and his dad I have hardly left the house for 10 weeks now.   within myself I feel fairly calm and am starting to get reasonable sleep, even if that is on the couch in the lounge at the moment to be near my husband in case her rouses or gets agitated.  I have small number of friends and relatives who are supporting me as much as possible.  First attempt back at work, which was actually working from home, was Tuesday which lasted for the morning before my husband needed me but it showed me that I am ready to go back to work when things here quieten down.   there is only my father-in-law and myself to care full time for my husband.  My sister-in-law lives about 90 minute drive away but has her own mental health issues.  My husbands youngest son and family lives in different state but have hardly ever contacted us since the diagnosis .  My husbands eldest son lives approx 3 hrs drive away, comes here everyday he can and would do anything for his dad and  me. ... View more

My heart goes out to you Darcy as my husband suffered mental health issues which was linked to his pancreatic cancer. Heartless as this might sound but you need to take care of yourself first, especially when he is in hospital. When he is in hospital and starts to get angry and verbally mistreat you, you need to explain to him you are not going to stay there if that is how he is going to treat you and just walk out. Walk out and leave him in the room. Talk to his nurse on your way out about what has happened can be good for nurses to try to help. You need to take care of your mental and physical health which might mean you might decide not to visit him in hospital each day. In our town the Palliative care team have a psychologist who assists patients and their families. If this is provided in your area this may be able to assist your husband but also yourself. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer in mid October last year. The mixture of emotions caused by trying to come to terms with the diagnosis, the impact of chemo on his body, the impact of him being an inpatient in oncology ward due to chemo side effects and related infections played heavily on his mind and he has suffered with mental health issues from not long after diagnosis onwards which gradually got worse. As the months progressed I found, for my mental health, I had to make time for me and also walk out of his hospital room on many occasions. My husband is now in last days but his passing is not being easy on him. ... View more

He is in last days. He didn’t get to sleep in the new bed we were expecting, he had been heavily sedated prior to it due to arrival, his legs have completely failed, his kidneys appear to be failing and he will spend the rest of his days at home with family sleeping in electric lift recliner. ... View more