Hi. Hope everyone is OK. I am not quite sure what I am posting for, or what I am hoping to achieve.........but I am struggling with my mums recent diagnosis of incurable cancer, and i am probably looking for answers that are not even out there 😪 Maybe I just want to chat, or hear how other people cope with such news.
My mum is only 56 years old, and she found a large lump in her breast in December just gone. She also had approximately 8 solid lumps in her abdomen area. She attended her first appointment at the breast clinic on the 4th January, and they completed scans and took biopsies of all the lumps. The results were what we were all dreading. All lumps came back as cancerous, so we already knew at this stage that her cancer had already metasised to the skin and lymphnodes. We were, and are all devastated. She then had a full skeletal scan and a CT scan..........this then revealed that her cancer had not only metasised to the lymphnodes and skin, but that it has also metasised to the stomach and kidneys. This has also caused ascites to grow in the tummy region. On the 4th February, the oncologist sat with us and told us the heartbreaking news. She has stage 4, incurable cancer, and they informed us that the cancer is very, very extensive, advanced and has already caused ascites. They said they are very concerned. They informed us, that without treatment, she only has a few months to live, and if treatment doesn't work, also a few months to live. They didn't feel she was physically fit enough to have chemo, so she has recently started immunotherapy. A new pill called KISQALI, 600mg daily. However, they won't be doing any scans for 3 months to check what is happening. My concern is, that if it isn't working, and she only has a few months to live, we have no time left to try something different 😪
Since finding the lumps initially in December, the 8 lumps in the abdomen area have multiplied significantly.......in excess of 20. She has tiny ones in her neck, chest and groin also. My mum had a gastric bypass in 2017, therefore she is really struggling to eat etc, especially since starting treatment. She is really struggling to accept what is happening.
My mum is my best friend. I see and speak to her everyday, and always have done. I cannot imagine her not being here. It's killing me, it's making me ill. I am on medication and in regular contact with my GP. Seeing her makes me cry 😢 but I try to be strong. She is well in herself, as well as she can be considering her pre existing medical issues.
I cannot cope with not knowing 'when'. I know that may sound selfish and weird, but I have a massive need to know.......and I am also aware that that answer probably isn't out there, but I truly cannot cope with all this. I have googled everything, and we all know we shouldn't do that, but I have searched high and low, and I keep reading that once you have ascites, which my mum has, it means you are nearing the end of life. Does anybody know this to be true? Has anybody known anyone to survive more than a year with cancer as extensive as my mums? Can anyone share anything with me that may help? How does everyone else cope with this heartbreaking situation we find ourselves in? I just don't know what to do and how to cope, never mind how to cope when the inevitable happens 😪 How do you know when the time is near?
Thank you for taking your time to read my post, and many thanks in advance for any response.
Take care xxx
