My dad diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and i am pregnant

[Nand]

I have been googling alot about it and came on this thread. Thought this might help me reduce my stress a bit. 

I am 5months pregnant and i got to know about my dad's cancer when i went to him to share my pregnancy news he was feeling unwell i took him to the doctor and we found out he have stage 4lung cancer  i got him to stay with me and his chemo sessions are going on. 

I am unable to give attention to my baby and my concentration is on my dad's health completely.

He sometimes get very angry he shouts on anyone and for no reason. He sometimes humiliate Doctors aswell my mom and husband too are trying there best but they too gets scolding for no reason. My dad is very attached to me so whenever he needs something he asks from me even if i am resting at that time of the day or night. He cries alot he has become week loss his hair and i feel sad for him. People say takecare of baby but its difficult to takecare of baby alone or both.

[Lindsay]

Hi NAND,

congratulations on the news of your baby. I hope the pregnancy is easier than dealing with dad.

You use the word mom, for your mother, I assume you are in the US. Here in Australia, we have free access to councillors, and on line support systems. I’m sure it’s the same where you are. If those telephone agencies are available, I’m sure they can benefit your dad. Having cancer is quite a scary thing to have and your father can’t rely on you alone for help. He needs to get structures in place to help him deal with all the changes & procedures he has to deal with. Him getting angry isn’t an attack, but, is a mechanism for a release of his frustrations. I’m sure if he were to get help from a non family member, he would be better at getting his frustration out.

I have no training in this, but I am just a keen observer.

I wish you, your dad & family well. I hope the baby can bring joy back into your lives.

Lindsay

[Nand]

Hi Lindsay

Thanks for your response my dad was settled in Kuwait and my sisters in US but due to no insurance and long flight the only option to get the treatment was India so we travelled to India as i couldn't leave him alone in kuwait.

The thing i am worried about is did we do right thing of bringing him here or no. And sometimes i feel he has completely become a negative person specially for his 1st family he complains other people that we don't give him food and sometimes he says these people are always after my life of eating food.

We all are cooking for him 18hrs a day but still he finds some or the other complaints about us.

In this condition i am unable to cope up with the situation as i literally get no time to give to myself or i takecare of my baby.

I am always sad and in stress hope my baby doesn't get affected by my this behaviour. 

Thanks!!

[Lindsay]

Hi NAND,

your last sentence is actually the main point, isn’t it. For the benefit of your unborn child, relieving you of the stress of your dads illness is vital. For you too, of course.

I have no understanding of the support systems in India, there must be some facilities in the Colonised districts. No doubt, his complaining is about getting more attention and a form of guilt laying. Giving him support is very important, but, it can’t replace your need for a healthy, happy life.

You can only do so much & then , your family needs must take over. This will sound callous, but he has lived , and can continue living his life. You & your unborn baby are at the start of yours. Maybe you can try to source some support for dad. Maybe the first step is talking to your fathers main doctor.

I’m sorry I can’t be more help. I wish you all the best & hope you can get your dad sorted soon.

Lindsay