I usually try to pretend like this is not happening to my family but, I feel like it’ll do me some good if I try to talk about it . My dad was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer . It was devastating to me my mother and my older brother. I was about 17 and a half when he was first diagnosed . But the news still meant he had a chance to be cured so we were all very hopeful. When he went to have his lobectomy done they had some bad news that it had already spread to his lymph nodes. So they put him on chemo and we’re gonna scan him again to see how the cancer was doing in 3 months . Those 3 months were probably the most tramatic of my life . I moved out when I was 17 and lived with my boyfriend . We took a break from each other and I moved back into my parents house to see that they had been lying to me on how my dad was doing . He couldn’t move from the couch anymore . He couldn’t make his own food . He screamed at night every night in terrible pain from his back . He wouldn’t eat . And I felt guilty but all I wanted to do was run away from it . To not be there cause I couldn’t handle those nights those nights where he’d scream for me to grab him the trash cans at 1 am cause he was throwing up on himself . Those nights where I had to listen to him scream in pain over his bsck which the doctors thought were back spasms . During that time my mothers sister who was terminally ill with cancer as well passed away. My aunt also had a daughter my age a few months older than me . My heart hurts for her cause I know how painful it is . And a month later I turned 18 years old .my brother lives out of state he turned 21 a month after I turned 18 sadly my dad couldn’t go to see him . And he is moving back to Florida on this Tuesday. But after my birthday they did my fathers 3 month scan and what they found was terrible and crushing . The chemo never worked . And it spread from his lungs and lymph nodes to his liver and spine hence his back pain that they thought were back spasms . At this point they determined him terminal and said that they could only try to extend his life and contain the cancer . I feel very broken . Very sad that this has happened that my dad won’t see me get married or have Kids. See me grow up and start my life fully . So most days I just shut myself off I’m emotionless I can’t feel anything . I can’t find a way to cope with this other than being dead on the inside . My mother is the same way I haven’t seen her smile in over a year now . I just idk what to do to help everyone try and be happy a little bit . But thanks for reading . Hope to hear from someone soon .
Seriously - good on you for doing your best to work through this! It's never easy to talk things out especially in such a horrible awful situation. And honestly? All the feelings and responses that you've described are understandable and completely human - I'd actually be more worried if you all 'okay'.
It sounds like the doctors are going to start him on pallative/hospice care which will hopefully help with the pain your dad's going through. You and your family have been through a HELL of a lot that perhaps it's time to call reinforcements such as a counselor/psychologist to help guide and support you?
If one isn't available to you and/or your family then perhaps you might consider this link to a list of Australian anonymous phone and help lines that operate free.. https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/cfca-resource-sheet/helplines-and-telephone-counselling-servic...
in particular http://griefline.org.au/online-counselling-service/
might be of assistance to you, they even have online options. 🙂
And look - even if you don't decide to go ahead with this route, that's cool too. I would recommend trying to spend time with your dad and family but don't overdo it. The point isn't for it to be an obligation but rather a chance for you to try and enjoy as much time with each other as you can. So know your limits! You are not a bad person for needing to step away from time to time because you deserve as much as anyone in your family to be looked after too.
You are not a bad person in the slightest -the fact you want to be there for everyone in your family and want to make them happy despite how awful you must feel is proof of this. Just make sure to look after yourself as well.
Be part of this supportive community