January 2020
I usually try to pretend like this is not happening to my family but, I feel like it’ll do me some good if I try to talk about it . My dad was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer . It was devastating to me my mother and my older brother. I was about 17 and a half when he was first diagnosed . But the news still meant he had a chance to be cured so we were all very hopeful. When he went to have his lobectomy done they had some bad news that it had already spread to his lymph nodes. So they put him on chemo and we’re gonna scan him again to see how the cancer was doing in 3 months . Those 3 months were probably the most tramatic of my life . I moved out when I was 17 and lived with my boyfriend . We took a break from each other and I moved back into my parents house to see that they had been lying to me on how my dad was doing . He couldn’t move from the couch anymore . He couldn’t make his own food . He screamed at night every night in terrible pain from his back . He wouldn’t eat . And I felt guilty but all I wanted to do was run away from it . To not be there cause I couldn’t handle those nights those nights where he’d scream for me to grab him the trash cans at 1 am cause he was throwing up on himself . Those nights where I had to listen to him scream in pain over his bsck which the doctors thought were back spasms . During that time my mothers sister who was terminally ill with cancer as well passed away. My aunt also had a daughter my age a few months older than me . My heart hurts for her cause I know how painful it is . And a month later I turned 18 years old .my brother lives out of state he turned 21 a month after I turned 18 sadly my dad couldn’t go to see him . And he is moving back to Florida on this Tuesday. But after my birthday they did my fathers 3 month scan and what they found was terrible and crushing . The chemo never worked . And it spread from his lungs and lymph nodes to his liver and spine hence his back pain that they thought were back spasms . At this point they determined him terminal and said that they could only try to extend his life and contain the cancer . I feel very broken . Very sad that this has happened that my dad won’t see me get married or have Kids. See me grow up and start my life fully . So most days I just shut myself off I’m emotionless I can’t feel anything . I can’t find a way to cope with this other than being dead on the inside . My mother is the same way I haven’t seen her smile in over a year now . I just idk what to do to help everyone try and be happy a little bit . But thanks for reading . Hope to hear from someone soon .
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January 2020
I found out my dad was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer when I was 17 . The did a lobectomy and what they found when they went inside they we’re already kinda late. It had spread to his lymph nodes . So they continued with chemo and radiation and re scanned and during that time was the worst I have ever seen my father it was terrible . Some people just don’t understand how it feels to see stuff like that . He couldn’t get up he’s scream all night in pain from his back . He’d throw up every where he couldn’t eat and was just skinny and frail. When they rescanned him after 3 months they found the chemo they put him on never worked and it spread to his liver and spine . So at that point they determined him terminal and all they could do was try to contain the cancer from spreading. I just turned 18 maybe 4 months ago now . It’s sad but whatever god has planned for him is for a reason . But on a happier note . I have rented him a corvette for a day cause he’s always wanted one every since I was little he wanted to travel the world with my mother in his own corvette but this was the closest I could get . But I say keep your head up high everything happens for a reason . And try to make the best of it try to spend time and make special memories happen .
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