My husband is coping better with his cancer than I am.

[Sarah2025]

Twelve months ago, my husband had a PSA test and his levels had increased by 6x in a year. Subsequent scans and tests showed a highly aggressive cancer with an extensive spread from the prostate through his bones in the hips, pelvis and spine. There were no symptoms so we were in shock. He had a course of intense radiation, placed on hormone tablets and a three monthly hormone injection. He had bad side effects and it took several months to find the right dose but he did and things settled down. Fatigue was the big thing. I was coping quite well, looking after myself so I could look after him if need be and he was still exercising, mowing lawns and doing his jobs. Then, in July, he had another PET scan which showed that the cancer was still active and there were new spots on his bones. That really threw us as we had such faith in the tablets and the doctor. He started chemotherapy and has been having an infusion every three weeks since (last one after Christmas). My wheels fell off!! Since then, (August), I am a mess. Anxious, uptight, tired, my diet and exercise are haphazard, and I want to cry most of the time. It is just not me! The doctor is confidant the chemo will be successful but I am fearful and scared. Each day I get up and think “today I will meditate/walk/relax my mind” but it isn’t working. How can I step back from this? 

[joseph_CCNSW]

Hello Sarah2025.   Thank you for posting. I can hear how deeply you are feeling the impact of your husband's diagnosis.  The online forum can be a wonderful space to find support from others who connect with your experience and share their own stories. You may find it helpful to search Cancer Council's website for information about the range of services available.   For example, Cancer Council NSW holds a Telephone Support Group twice a month for Carers, and people tell us they feel this is a safe space to come together to give and receive support from one another.  You are also welcome to call Cancer Council's 13 11 20 line for a chat with one of our specialists.  Kind regards … Joseph_CCNSW

[Milo01]

Dear Sarah2025,

Your post shows great love for your husband through your words and thoughts.

Cancer unfortunately affects everyone around a person afflicted by it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to feel the way that you do. You are being so strong and the first line person for your husband to count on and get support from.

But you also need support too. At a point, that steam starts to run out. And can be hard to gain back.

You are already thinking about positive actions like meditation, going for a walk and relaxing your mind.

But please know it is also okay to take moments for yourself. You don’t have to phrase them as “breaks”. A circuit breaker is a better definition. It interrupts your current flow and can reset things when turned back on.  And you have been through a long time of stress.
It can be as small as a few hours at the beach or somewhere you find grounding and peaceful. It can be creating a journal of your raw thoughts, just to get them out of your head. You don’t ever have to show anyone it. It can start with a small, few sentence entry and work it’s way up to larger ones,if you haven’t tried before.It can also be a single swear word all over the page if it has been a particularly challenging day. It just gets it out. It can be getting a treat from the donut shop and sitting down and enjoying it before you go home after grocery shopping every week. It can also be taking a bath with a special soak. You can do good and nice things for yourself as you care for someone else.
But most of all it can be by yourself. It is okay to take time out just for yourself. It does not make you a “bad” person to need some alone space and time. Everyone does. You are not ignoring anything that is happening in your life. Or going on a three week luxury resort vacation to Dubai without any thought or consideration to your current circumstances. You are allowing a space for your mental health to recoup little bit,by little bit.

Please don’t ever feel like you can’t ask or accept mental health services that maybe available to you. They give you an outlet to speak to professionals privately about what you need to the most.In clinic and telehealth. And that can be invaluable. And they will have many more strategies that can be tailored to you. The Cancer Council said to give their number a call and you can also discuss options with your GP, and there can be Medicare benefits for some services.

Most of all I just want you to know, the way you feel makes sense. It is very valid.

You are incredibly strong.

The best to you, or chat back if you would like to.

Milo01