My mother passed away.

[Just_Me]

Hi all, Today my mother passed away. It's such a shock right now. It all happened so quickly. In August we were told survival was highly likely. In October we were told the tumour was bigger than expected after surgery. In January we were told there was still a significant amount of tumour left. Last week we were told the cancer is huge and has spread and mum is probably too weak to receive treatment and would pass away in two to three months. On Monday we were told a week to two weeks. And today she passed away. Yesterday I was talking to her and today she's dead. How did that happen?

[Sqweege]

Oh my gosh, I'm so so sorry ((((Just Me)))) My heart goes out to you. Cancer is such an insidious and unpredictable thing :( Please keep talking and be gentle with yourself.

[maddie86]

im so sorry to hear this 😞 that is very unexpected.. its horrible how you can get your hopes up then crushed just like that... take care of yourself.. grieve now and start the healing process....

[maddie86]

im so sorry to hear this 😞 that is very unexpected.. its horrible how you can get your hopes up then crushed just like that... take care of yourself.. grieve now and start the healing process....

[Just_Me]

Thanks guys. Even the doctors are in shock by how quickly her cancer progressed. She really didn't want to go. It's so unfair. 😞

[Sqweege]

Absolutely NO doubt it's unfair (((Just Me))) .... it's not fair at all. I truly hope your beautiful Mum has found peace and that you can find the same. I think it's really important to talk about how you feel, I find it helpful to let it all out (the good, the bad & the fugly!) ...... I wish I could be of more help/comfort to you.

[Just_Me]

Thanks Sqweege. I lost my dad 11 years ago and now my mother this year and it really does feel so unfair. I know a few people my age (35) who have lost one parent, but I don't know anyone else my age who has lost both parents by this age. In this day and age it is so unusual. And having lost both parents now makes losing my mother that much harder. Plus my brother is messed up (from more than just losing parents - I don't want to go into it too much in public forums). So I am feeling very very alone right now. I have a 2 year old daughter and she does help a lot, but I am so upset that she will never remember her grandmother whom she loved so dearly. And my mother was such a big help for me and my daughter. I don't know how I will go on without her massive support and company. Plus I have an illness of my own (not terminal but very hard to manage as there's no treatment or cure and it's very debilitating at times). My mother was helping me take care of my daughter because of how debilitating my illness is. Now I wonder how I will manage everything on my own. And I would dearly love a second child. How will I manage a baby + toddler + my illness without all the support I had. Plus of course I really miss my mum's company. She was my best friend and I could talk to her about anything. I have taken the last two weeks off work. I only work 3 days a week and I'm debating whether to take Tuesday off this week so I only have 2 days this week to get back into things. Or not even sure if I should take another week off. It's only been 11 days since she passed.

[Sqweege]

Oh honey, you poor darling. Life can be so very cruel. Losing both parents by your age is terribly sad & unfair 😞 My Dad lost both his parents by the time he was 16, yeah life is so cruel sometimes. My Mum is like my best friend too and we talk about anything & everything, I understand that bond & the pain when that is taken away from you. What a blessing your Mum knew your little girl and I'm sure will look over her & you forever. I'm really believe that. You could keep your Mothers memory really alive for your daughter with photos and stories etc so that she grows up feeling like she really knew her Grandma? I'm sorry your brother and you aren't able to get comfort from each other, that's difficult. Do you have a partner? Close friends? who you can lean on and talk to (apart from talking to us which of course you can always do!)?? I have a friend who lost his Mum to cancer and understands so well what I'm going through. Even perhaps a support group may be helpful for you? If you're not ready to return to work, then don't (if you don't have to) ... and try and do something nice for YOU, sometimes just simple things can lift my spirits, like taking my pups to the beach and playing in the water with them and feeling invigorated by the salt air and water. I also have an illness that is debilitating and I haven't had kids and I want to (when/if I meet the right guy) but I'm scared of how I would cope with a baby and this illness .... so I can empathise with that and now without your Mums physical support (because I'm sure she's still emotionally there with you!) ... is there anyone else who can help you? Wish I could make you a nice hot chocolate, plop you on the couch with a warm blankie, your fave movie and some chocolate (((hugs)))

[Just_Me]

Oh thanks Sqweege. I might go make myself a hot chocolate. My husband and friends are supportive. When I was mentioning my brother what I meant is that he is another problem in my life, not just a lack of support. It just all feels like a lot to deal with right now. The loss of my mum, dealing with my problem brother, my illness, having no parents any more. But I do have great support, especially from my husband. It's still not easy though. I do have people who will be able to come help me at times if I have another baby. But my mother was someone I could call upon at any time if I was very ill and she could come straight over to help. I won't have that help again. So if I'm very ill suddenly with baby and toddler it will be very difficult and often I cannot even get up off the ground, so I really don't know how I would manage.

[s_]

Hi Just Me, I'm afraid this is going to be me very soon. I lost my father 17yrs ago and I'm in my late 30's now and my mum has inoperable bile duct cancer. I don't have any children, but I do have a very supportive partner who is amazing. I too have a brother that is a problem (same - I'll hold back the details in public) and the emotional strain is huge. I hope you are still visiting this site to get support from it. It's late at night that sometimes is the most difficult. Having a daughter will give you much strength I think. You will find love and comfort there, but nobody can replace your mum and I know my mum will leave a HUGE gap for me when the dreaded time comes - I try not to think about it. I'm going to see a phychologist in the next few weeks to discuss my emotions regarding my mum (and my brother) - I hope it helps - I'll let you know. Let the tears flow freely when you feel grief (I believe we all need to cry) and also let the happy memories flood in when they come. Wishing you strength. S